Hehe
2 years ago I met a bunch of people and spent 2 of the best months in my life with them. 2 years later on this day we met up and I observed a subtle but definite change in our interaction. As we ate billy bombers and had some dessert from one of those small shops outside bugis, as we periodically punctuated laconic moments with vain attempts at conversation, as we tried to re-kindle fires that long had no trace of timber left, I thought about several things regarding friendship.
Friendship, just like an economy, can be split into 3 stages: the calibration stage, the manufacturing stage, and the reflection stage.
The calibration stage is the initial stage where any number of individuals meet and interact. It is where the first point of contact takes place and where the first impressions are given and received. It is where the individuals get to know each other better, not just in terms of their background, but in terms of their mannerisms, their attitudes, their general character: gentlemanly or vulgar, hip or apathetic, geek or sportsperson. More important, this is the stage where individuals, after processing information about the others, fine-tune themselves to the rest: Does he accept my kind of humour? Can I push it a bit more? He does seem to take well to some of my comments but not to others. Maybe I should go down this path and that but not those. They seem to be a rather grave sort of people. Maybe I should just keep more to myself, and so on.
The interesting thing here is that you're not the only one subconsciously processing data and sending out cryptified signals across the ocean-- the other party is too. Assuming he and you are not social morons he's trying to suit himself to you just as you are to him. He's trying to decryptify your code so that he can reply to you, and vice versa, and sooner or later, if the parties involved are meant to be friends, a new language would be born, a new language that belongs, perhaps exclusively, to you and your newfound friends.
I contend that the more exclusive it is, the stronger the chemistry between the friends are, and hence the stronger the friendship would be. I also contend that the less calibration needed the better but these notions are advanced concepts that I shall touch on another time. I also believe that some of these so-called friends we see around have never gotten beyond this calibration stage. In fact every time they go out they're still calibrating themselves to each other.
The manufacturing stage sees the industrialisation and urbanization of the country. Secondary industries become the primary focus of the economy, and growth is prevalent as much as social disorder is rampant. This is where most of the fun comes in as the individuals start seeing themselves as a group. They start moving about in school together, they start laughing and eating together, they start hanging out after school or work, they go to the movies, they go to each other's places, they go shopping, LANning, swimming, pooling, they start daring each other to do things (most commonly get the stranger's number), they generally make a lot of noise as compared to groups in the calibration or reflection stages.
This is also the stage where inside humour develop, as a clear sign that mutual understanding is coming of age. They may appear awkward or weird to others, but that is only because they are outsiders to the language that has been spoken. At this stage it would be possible to read each other's mind.
The reflection stage is where the dinners come in. You start to play around with the forks and spoons provided in a bid to catch the reflection of your friends on the utensils.
The reflection stage is where the dinners come in. Having gone through the thick and thin of good and bad weather all you and your friends want is to just settle beside a fireplace and talk. This stage sees alot of reminiscent talk, but also sees deep-sharing sessions where you reach for your heart, take it out, and place it in the hands of another. It includes talking about the future--your life plans, goals, ambitions-- as well as weighty topics such as "what do you think awaits us when we die" and "what do you think we could see if we could see through everything". This is the stage where you swim in lakes and look at the stars.
Thus far we have seen the 3 main stages of friendship. There is one last thing I need to mention. The manufacturing stage applies itself in chronological order after the calibration stage, and the setting of it is very often the same setting as when first contact was made-- in school, for example. If one makes friends with another at the age of 13, but goes to a different school at the age of 17, then the manufacturing stage ceases to exist, even if the both of you still go sailing or whatever after. This is because I believe in the importance of the context in which one's friendship grew in. Consequently any changes in the context would alter the friendship in one way or the other.
But if the manufacturing stage ceases to exist, and if the reflection stage is yet to be set, where would that set one then? I'd say, the advanced manufacturing stage, the interim stage between those. This is the stage where friends transcend locational or temporal disparities to continue meeting each other. This is also the stage in which friends plan major activities together, such as an overseas trip.
Most geniune friendships, I believe, are 10% primary industries, 60% manufacturing/advanced manufacturing and 30% tertiary industries (reflection stage). The stronger ones would have a higher percentage of tertiary industries as opposed to secondary industries.
1A03, the bunch of people I mentioned earlier on, is very unique in that it seems to contain 100% tertiary industries. 2 years down the road, our economy is driven solely by savouring past memories, updating each other on the details of our present lives, and discussing what our plans are for the future. The sinews of our friendship are held together by nothing more than words.
I wouldnt say thats good. 100% tertiary industries mean everyone's either working in a law firm, in the movie industry, or in a hair salon, so to speak. If that's the case I wouldnt know where our food, clothes, and electricity's going to come from. Yes, you can always import them--but to what extent, and what are you going to use to pay them in the long run anyway? It's hard to believe that a 100% tertiary industry economy would be able to sustain itself for any long period of time.
But maybe it's different when it comes to friendship.
Friendship, just like an economy, can be split into 3 stages: the calibration stage, the manufacturing stage, and the reflection stage.
The calibration stage is the initial stage where any number of individuals meet and interact. It is where the first point of contact takes place and where the first impressions are given and received. It is where the individuals get to know each other better, not just in terms of their background, but in terms of their mannerisms, their attitudes, their general character: gentlemanly or vulgar, hip or apathetic, geek or sportsperson. More important, this is the stage where individuals, after processing information about the others, fine-tune themselves to the rest: Does he accept my kind of humour? Can I push it a bit more? He does seem to take well to some of my comments but not to others. Maybe I should go down this path and that but not those. They seem to be a rather grave sort of people. Maybe I should just keep more to myself, and so on.
The interesting thing here is that you're not the only one subconsciously processing data and sending out cryptified signals across the ocean-- the other party is too. Assuming he and you are not social morons he's trying to suit himself to you just as you are to him. He's trying to decryptify your code so that he can reply to you, and vice versa, and sooner or later, if the parties involved are meant to be friends, a new language would be born, a new language that belongs, perhaps exclusively, to you and your newfound friends.
I contend that the more exclusive it is, the stronger the chemistry between the friends are, and hence the stronger the friendship would be. I also contend that the less calibration needed the better but these notions are advanced concepts that I shall touch on another time. I also believe that some of these so-called friends we see around have never gotten beyond this calibration stage. In fact every time they go out they're still calibrating themselves to each other.
The manufacturing stage sees the industrialisation and urbanization of the country. Secondary industries become the primary focus of the economy, and growth is prevalent as much as social disorder is rampant. This is where most of the fun comes in as the individuals start seeing themselves as a group. They start moving about in school together, they start laughing and eating together, they start hanging out after school or work, they go to the movies, they go to each other's places, they go shopping, LANning, swimming, pooling, they start daring each other to do things (most commonly get the stranger's number), they generally make a lot of noise as compared to groups in the calibration or reflection stages.
This is also the stage where inside humour develop, as a clear sign that mutual understanding is coming of age. They may appear awkward or weird to others, but that is only because they are outsiders to the language that has been spoken. At this stage it would be possible to read each other's mind.
The reflection stage is where the dinners come in. You start to play around with the forks and spoons provided in a bid to catch the reflection of your friends on the utensils.
The reflection stage is where the dinners come in. Having gone through the thick and thin of good and bad weather all you and your friends want is to just settle beside a fireplace and talk. This stage sees alot of reminiscent talk, but also sees deep-sharing sessions where you reach for your heart, take it out, and place it in the hands of another. It includes talking about the future--your life plans, goals, ambitions-- as well as weighty topics such as "what do you think awaits us when we die" and "what do you think we could see if we could see through everything". This is the stage where you swim in lakes and look at the stars.
Thus far we have seen the 3 main stages of friendship. There is one last thing I need to mention. The manufacturing stage applies itself in chronological order after the calibration stage, and the setting of it is very often the same setting as when first contact was made-- in school, for example. If one makes friends with another at the age of 13, but goes to a different school at the age of 17, then the manufacturing stage ceases to exist, even if the both of you still go sailing or whatever after. This is because I believe in the importance of the context in which one's friendship grew in. Consequently any changes in the context would alter the friendship in one way or the other.
But if the manufacturing stage ceases to exist, and if the reflection stage is yet to be set, where would that set one then? I'd say, the advanced manufacturing stage, the interim stage between those. This is the stage where friends transcend locational or temporal disparities to continue meeting each other. This is also the stage in which friends plan major activities together, such as an overseas trip.
Most geniune friendships, I believe, are 10% primary industries, 60% manufacturing/advanced manufacturing and 30% tertiary industries (reflection stage). The stronger ones would have a higher percentage of tertiary industries as opposed to secondary industries.
1A03, the bunch of people I mentioned earlier on, is very unique in that it seems to contain 100% tertiary industries. 2 years down the road, our economy is driven solely by savouring past memories, updating each other on the details of our present lives, and discussing what our plans are for the future. The sinews of our friendship are held together by nothing more than words.
I wouldnt say thats good. 100% tertiary industries mean everyone's either working in a law firm, in the movie industry, or in a hair salon, so to speak. If that's the case I wouldnt know where our food, clothes, and electricity's going to come from. Yes, you can always import them--but to what extent, and what are you going to use to pay them in the long run anyway? It's hard to believe that a 100% tertiary industry economy would be able to sustain itself for any long period of time.
But maybe it's different when it comes to friendship.
1 Comments:
well illustrated. does this apply to family ties?
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