There will indeed be more photos on Facebook (II)

I don't feel good now. In German tutorial today, I was working with a classmate on my left on dialogues. We were required to choose a partner for our oral examination by next week, so at the end of the class, I asked her if she had a partner, the implication here being of course that I would like to pair up with her. She said she had a partner already, and suggested asking the classmate on my right, if she had a partner already. In fact, that was what she did. She asked the classmate on my right, on my behalf. Classmate on my right happened to be partnerless, and so classmate on my left suggested to us that we could pair up.

I hesitated. At length I said that I'm not so good, and am in fact quite a funny person, the implication here being that I wasn't so keen on pairing up with her. I said that I didn't really want to affect her grade, and that if she could find a better partner, she should. She said that nevermind, we could always practice, and that she wouldn't see any of the other classmates between now and next week anyway, the implication here being that we should just pair up and submit our names anyway. I kept silent. The teacher asked me if I had found a partner, and I just smiled and shrugged, the implication here being that I hadn't yet found a partner. I then discreetly left the room, since class was over and classmate on the right was mingling with some of the other classmates.

I don't feel good now because classmate on my right might think that I think she is not a good oral partner. After all, I had implicitly offered myself to classmate on my left, and when I did so, it was not like I said that "I am not so good, and am in fact quite a funny person". I think that she might think I'm too judgmental a person.

I think it's easy to think that way. I think it's easy to think that I am over here being a selfish, judgmental person. After all, you can see what I have done as scrambling for a good partner, and then refusing to commit myself to people whom I think are not so good. I wouldn't deny this. That is, I wouldn't deny that I am over here being a selfish, judgmental person. However - and this is the main point I want to mention - I think that I am being selfish and judgmental for reasons that are different from the reasons you may be assuming.

The fact of the matter is that I just want to have fun. I would just like to pair up with someone who is fluent, spontaneous, and playful. I'm not so keen on pairing up with people who hmm and haw and who ultimately just stick to simple, grammatical textbook lines, or people who prepare complex sentences with the sole intention of using them to score a good grade.  So I was indeed being judgmental there - but I wasn't judging classmate on my right to be poor in the language, someone who might drag me down. I was judging her to be a partner who is incompatible with my own aims. And I am indeed being selfish here, because I am indeed putting my own interest above all else. It is just that that interest isn't the interest of scoring a good grade (and striving to grab a good partner because of that interest). It is the interest of having fun.

I suppose it's easy to think otherwise from her perspective. It is sort of like being the last to be picked in a class basketball match. If people are picking you last, the obvious implication is that you're not such a good basketball player. I feel bad because she might have felt that way, if only momentarily. And I feel indignant that she might be have felt that way, because it's false that I am judging her to be not such a competent user of the language.

The matter here is made complicated by the notion that to be good in conversing in a language is just to be fluent and spontaneous in the language. So if I'm judging someone to be not fluent and not spontaneous in the language, then I'm judging that someone to be not good in the language. My response to this point is re-emphasize that I really am looking for someone who is playful. If it so happens that being playful in one's dialogue is a good way to score well in the oral test, then so be it. But at the end of the day, scoring well in the oral test is not my concern. Being fluid and playful is, and I would still strive to be fluid and playful even if they happened to be poor ways of scoring well in the oral test.

Incidentally, it is not the case that I find classmate on my left to be fluent, spontaneous and playful. I suspect, though, that she is relatively amendable to straying from the textbook, which motivated me to consider her as my preferred partner. I have indeed engaged in dialogue exercises with both classmate on my left and classmate on my right.

That's that. I went to a bi-annual general meeting of the youth executive committee of a particular community club recently, that upon the invitation of a friend who was in the committee. The main idea here was to gain a free dinner, which was actually quite good - I drank more than 6 small bowls of the dessert, which was honeydew in some sweet, cold, coconut-flavoured syrup - and a free movie ticket. I generally don't mind exposing myself to different things too.

It was held in an airconditioned hall. And, as expected, almost everything was scripted. People went up to propose a motion and people went up to second it. There was once a lull in between motions. A friend who was there with his girlfriend said to me then: "Let the bird propose", the bird here referring to a bird that had been flying around in the hall for some time. I am glad to have friends who are fluent, spontaneous and playful, the implication here being that I am somewhat happy.