Public Nuisance
Public library. A man is sleeping on the couch. A few people about.
WOMAN: [Looking down at MAN] Hey. [He stirs] Wake up.
MAN: No.
WOMAN: [Louder] This is a public library.
MAN: No.
WOMAN: You're occupying space.
MAN gets up groggily and looks up.
MAN: Who are you?
WOMAN: A passer-by.
MAN: I was sleeping.
WOMAN: So you were.
MAN: You woke me up.
WOMAN: For good reason. You're occupying the couch. This is a library. People need seats to read.
MAN: No they don't.
WOMAN: They would like them. I would like a seat.
MAN: A couch's for sleeping.
WOMAN: You can always return home to sleep.
MAN: I like sleeping here.
WOMAN: You're being inconsiderate.
MAN: Why?
WOMAN: You're occupying the space of two.
MAN: So?
WOMAN: That's being inconsiderate.
MAN: Why?
WOMAN: [Exasparated] Look, if you insist on sleeping, I'm going to inform the library authorities.
MAN: Don't wake them from their sleep.
WOMAN: What?
MAN: Is that what you like doing? Waking people from their sleep? You woke me up from a dream; I'd like to return to it if possible.
WOMAN: You're crazy.
MAN: You're crazy.
WOMAN: I'm speechless.
MAN: You're speechless.
WOMAN: You're a public nuisance.
MAN: You're the one who's speaking loudly.
WOMAN: [Looks about, drops her voice] I'll be watching you.
MAN: While I sleep?
WOMAN: If you do I'm going to -
MAN: Wake the librarians up. How considerate.
WOMAN: They aren't sleeping.
MAN: Everyone sleeps on their jobs.
WOMAN: That's what you think.
MAN: Besides, what can they do? There is no law outlawing sleeping on couches in libraries.
WOMAN: Not every wrong thing is couched in legal terms.
MAN: If it is legal it isn't wrong.
WOMAN: A thing that is not illegal does not make it legal.
MAN: What makes a thing wrong then?
WOMAN: Use your moral compass. Oh, I think yours is probably broken.
MAN: It's non-existent.
WOMAN: People around you have functioning moral compasses though. And that's what determines right or wrong.
MAN: I disagree.
WOMAN: With what?
MAN: One, that we have moral compasses; and two, even if we do, the agreement of the majority determines what is right and what is wrong.
WOMAN: You seem to believe in the law though.
MAN: I don't. It is, however, the only thing that matters. The law determines what is right and what is wrong to do, but not because those things are right or wrong in themselves, but because there are penalties for falling on the wrong side of the law. That doesn't make the wrong thing wrong though.
WOMAN: And how do you think the law is determined?
MAN: By people who sleep on their jobs and who don't want to be disturbed from it.
WOMAN: That's what you think.
MAN: Try waking a legislator up from her sleep and the next day you're going to find a law that outlaws waking people up from their sleep.
WOMAN: That's what you think.
MAN: I'm tired of thinking.
WOMAN: I'm done talking with you.
MAN: I'm tired of talking.
WOMAN: You're a public nuisance.
MAN: Because I don't have a moral compass?
WOMAN: That's right.
MAN: I'm tired of living.
WOMAN: You're crazy. I'm going to leave.
MAN: I had a dream. I'm going back to it.
WOMAN exits stage left. MAN falls back to the couch and sleeps.
WOMAN: [Looking down at MAN] Hey. [He stirs] Wake up.
MAN: No.
WOMAN: [Louder] This is a public library.
MAN: No.
WOMAN: You're occupying space.
MAN gets up groggily and looks up.
MAN: Who are you?
WOMAN: A passer-by.
MAN: I was sleeping.
WOMAN: So you were.
MAN: You woke me up.
WOMAN: For good reason. You're occupying the couch. This is a library. People need seats to read.
MAN: No they don't.
WOMAN: They would like them. I would like a seat.
MAN: A couch's for sleeping.
WOMAN: You can always return home to sleep.
MAN: I like sleeping here.
WOMAN: You're being inconsiderate.
MAN: Why?
WOMAN: You're occupying the space of two.
MAN: So?
WOMAN: That's being inconsiderate.
MAN: Why?
WOMAN: [Exasparated] Look, if you insist on sleeping, I'm going to inform the library authorities.
MAN: Don't wake them from their sleep.
WOMAN: What?
MAN: Is that what you like doing? Waking people from their sleep? You woke me up from a dream; I'd like to return to it if possible.
WOMAN: You're crazy.
MAN: You're crazy.
WOMAN: I'm speechless.
MAN: You're speechless.
WOMAN: You're a public nuisance.
MAN: You're the one who's speaking loudly.
WOMAN: [Looks about, drops her voice] I'll be watching you.
MAN: While I sleep?
WOMAN: If you do I'm going to -
MAN: Wake the librarians up. How considerate.
WOMAN: They aren't sleeping.
MAN: Everyone sleeps on their jobs.
WOMAN: That's what you think.
MAN: Besides, what can they do? There is no law outlawing sleeping on couches in libraries.
WOMAN: Not every wrong thing is couched in legal terms.
MAN: If it is legal it isn't wrong.
WOMAN: A thing that is not illegal does not make it legal.
MAN: What makes a thing wrong then?
WOMAN: Use your moral compass. Oh, I think yours is probably broken.
MAN: It's non-existent.
WOMAN: People around you have functioning moral compasses though. And that's what determines right or wrong.
MAN: I disagree.
WOMAN: With what?
MAN: One, that we have moral compasses; and two, even if we do, the agreement of the majority determines what is right and what is wrong.
WOMAN: You seem to believe in the law though.
MAN: I don't. It is, however, the only thing that matters. The law determines what is right and what is wrong to do, but not because those things are right or wrong in themselves, but because there are penalties for falling on the wrong side of the law. That doesn't make the wrong thing wrong though.
WOMAN: And how do you think the law is determined?
MAN: By people who sleep on their jobs and who don't want to be disturbed from it.
WOMAN: That's what you think.
MAN: Try waking a legislator up from her sleep and the next day you're going to find a law that outlaws waking people up from their sleep.
WOMAN: That's what you think.
MAN: I'm tired of thinking.
WOMAN: I'm done talking with you.
MAN: I'm tired of talking.
WOMAN: You're a public nuisance.
MAN: Because I don't have a moral compass?
WOMAN: That's right.
MAN: I'm tired of living.
WOMAN: You're crazy. I'm going to leave.
MAN: I had a dream. I'm going back to it.
WOMAN exits stage left. MAN falls back to the couch and sleeps.
5 Comments:
This is probably not relevant, but I've seen a guy in some yoga pose on a carpet in the National Library before.
Lol. I don't think this will happen in real life.
Aquila
"WOMAN: Not every wrong thing is couched in legal terms."
Quote worthy in the context.
not bad, well written with good pacing.
One line you can consider editing is " That doesn't make the wrong thing wrong though." Is a handful for the performer to go through, especially with the word thing. Maybe change it to action or something for flow.
Oh, Whale wrote it? I thought it was from a play elsewhere.
Aquila
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