Was I naturally immune, or was it formed to hide the fact that I really care?
My heart goes out to fat people who get ostracized by the many people they meet in life. Sometimes they've got parents who love them very much, who tell them they love them very much, and who tell them it doesn't matter how other people treat you, we are your family and we will love you always. But then they go to school and they get cold-shouldered by classmates and strangers in the canteen.
They want to have many friends but they can't. From an early age they know they're unappealing, they know others find them unappealing, and this very knowledge leads them to form either a care-too-much inferiority complex that makes them even more unappealing, or a don't-care-all insular attitude which doesn't really helps things either. People who go out of their way to make them feel better makes them feel even worse, I think. It's the pretense such kind-hearted, sympathetic souls have that really cuts through all manner of protection these unattractive people have erected, consciously or otherwise, to not feel the pain they probably have felt at some point of time in the past. I think socialising with fat people out of sympathy does more damage than ostracizing them. I say the same for handicapped and ugly people as well.
I don't deny that I am sympathetic to people who want more friends and who can't have them, but I try not to interact with them on that basis. My objective, where interaction with such people is on a voluntary basis, is simple though not always direct: I tell them to listen to some music, to visit some places, to do some things, and to forget about everyone else. I try not to communicate anything other than those things, because I know that any further communication will be out of sympathy, and I don't want to hurt them in that way.
Of course, some may point out that this manner of crusade isn't any less hurtful than a crusade borne out of sympathy. To which I will reply: there is no degree of pretense in my manner of help. Still others would point out: by offering advice I am presuming 1) they need help in the first place and 2) I am in a position to dispense advice. To these people I would reply: 1) if it is the case that they do not need help, then no much damage is done, I have merely suggested that they listen to some music and go for some jogs. But what if I by my mere suggestions I have reminded them of their own weaknesses? Then in this case my suggestions apply themselves to their original purpose of telling them to listen to some music, visit some places, do some things, and forget about everyone else. As for 2) my reply simply would be: I'm not presuming I am in a superior position. The words are of no different a manner than, "this ice-cream is tasty", and the choice is entirely up to the listener to digest and act on them, or to decide that that's not the way to go.
Whatever the case, I think one should be mindful that the pretense involved in befriending unattractive people out of sympathy contains so much potential for devastation that one should never risk acting on such a basis, ever.
When I see some form of ostracism or reverse discrimination friendliness going on, I sometimes wish I can give a part of my natural, though not entirely perfect, social immunity to the victim. Other times I just wonder why the world works in so many wrong ways.
They want to have many friends but they can't. From an early age they know they're unappealing, they know others find them unappealing, and this very knowledge leads them to form either a care-too-much inferiority complex that makes them even more unappealing, or a don't-care-all insular attitude which doesn't really helps things either. People who go out of their way to make them feel better makes them feel even worse, I think. It's the pretense such kind-hearted, sympathetic souls have that really cuts through all manner of protection these unattractive people have erected, consciously or otherwise, to not feel the pain they probably have felt at some point of time in the past. I think socialising with fat people out of sympathy does more damage than ostracizing them. I say the same for handicapped and ugly people as well.
I don't deny that I am sympathetic to people who want more friends and who can't have them, but I try not to interact with them on that basis. My objective, where interaction with such people is on a voluntary basis, is simple though not always direct: I tell them to listen to some music, to visit some places, to do some things, and to forget about everyone else. I try not to communicate anything other than those things, because I know that any further communication will be out of sympathy, and I don't want to hurt them in that way.
Of course, some may point out that this manner of crusade isn't any less hurtful than a crusade borne out of sympathy. To which I will reply: there is no degree of pretense in my manner of help. Still others would point out: by offering advice I am presuming 1) they need help in the first place and 2) I am in a position to dispense advice. To these people I would reply: 1) if it is the case that they do not need help, then no much damage is done, I have merely suggested that they listen to some music and go for some jogs. But what if I by my mere suggestions I have reminded them of their own weaknesses? Then in this case my suggestions apply themselves to their original purpose of telling them to listen to some music, visit some places, do some things, and forget about everyone else. As for 2) my reply simply would be: I'm not presuming I am in a superior position. The words are of no different a manner than, "this ice-cream is tasty", and the choice is entirely up to the listener to digest and act on them, or to decide that that's not the way to go.
Whatever the case, I think one should be mindful that the pretense involved in befriending unattractive people out of sympathy contains so much potential for devastation that one should never risk acting on such a basis, ever.
When I see some form of ostracism or reverse discrimination friendliness going on, I sometimes wish I can give a part of my natural, though not entirely perfect, social immunity to the victim. Other times I just wonder why the world works in so many wrong ways.
2 Comments:
As a side-note, I know some fat people who are quite friendly and well-adjusted, and have quite a lot of friends. But yea, some fat people don't seem so lucky. There's also another group of people who are thin, but geeky/nerdy-looking, and who appear to be ostracized on first sight. Quite sad. And yes. I totally agree that to associate with someone out of pity does a great deal of harm to the person as well.
I usually prefer to get pass the appearances and assess the intellect underneath. I'm more intrigued by people's brains than their physique.
Aquila
Post a Comment
<< Home