Gravity
Music: Embrace- Gravity
This song is a classical devolution of weepy pop songs, but its still weepy enough for me to like it for now. A fuller analysis would reveal how thrashy the lyrics are and how everything's so fake.
It's a cold night tonight, and that always makes me want to write.
Maybe I shouldnt have started so early. I've lost all momentum built up over the past few weeks. The past week saw me slacking and slacking. Today is thursday; in 4 days I did no more than a few maths questions, a quick browse-through for history, the whole of econs (no, tt isnt anything, I planned to finish that load last week, in three days), more notes for measure for measure (lit text). That's all.
I dont think it's complacency that deflated me. I just got weary of studying, and that's a first in my life. Just really sick and tired of studying. I don't know if you've experienced such a thing. I asked myself, not a few times, why am I working so hard. Why am I desiring to work so hard. The past few days saw me searching for an answer, and if you've underwent such periods before in your life you would probably agree with me that there's none. So what if, just if, I managed to get some pretty grades? How pretty is my life going to get then, when there's virtually nothing elsewhere? Why don't I just go lead a simple life, get past the promos, enjoy myself. If a scholarship is at the end of your path then fine, fair enough, go for it. But if it isn't why bother to that extent then? It has always been a common debate within me as to who laughs the heartiest-- the fellow with the scholarship or the fellow with an uncompromised life. The answer is obvious enough, but are you convicted by your own belief.
I hate this system. I hate this system for getting into my system. I can't wait to get out of it. I can't wait for it to get out of me.
The night's gotten warmer. I need my sleep. Goodnight.
This song is a classical devolution of weepy pop songs, but its still weepy enough for me to like it for now. A fuller analysis would reveal how thrashy the lyrics are and how everything's so fake.
It's a cold night tonight, and that always makes me want to write.
Maybe I shouldnt have started so early. I've lost all momentum built up over the past few weeks. The past week saw me slacking and slacking. Today is thursday; in 4 days I did no more than a few maths questions, a quick browse-through for history, the whole of econs (no, tt isnt anything, I planned to finish that load last week, in three days), more notes for measure for measure (lit text). That's all.
I dont think it's complacency that deflated me. I just got weary of studying, and that's a first in my life. Just really sick and tired of studying. I don't know if you've experienced such a thing. I asked myself, not a few times, why am I working so hard. Why am I desiring to work so hard. The past few days saw me searching for an answer, and if you've underwent such periods before in your life you would probably agree with me that there's none. So what if, just if, I managed to get some pretty grades? How pretty is my life going to get then, when there's virtually nothing elsewhere? Why don't I just go lead a simple life, get past the promos, enjoy myself. If a scholarship is at the end of your path then fine, fair enough, go for it. But if it isn't why bother to that extent then? It has always been a common debate within me as to who laughs the heartiest-- the fellow with the scholarship or the fellow with an uncompromised life. The answer is obvious enough, but are you convicted by your own belief.
I hate this system. I hate this system for getting into my system. I can't wait to get out of it. I can't wait for it to get out of me.
The night's gotten warmer. I need my sleep. Goodnight.
4 Comments:
You said it yourself. You are competitive-minded
just a passerby. i really think you think too highly of yourself. do you think you're too good to be in this school? you're not. so don't diss the school and the system so often. you have the freedom of chouce to leave. don't talk about "looking at who you're being compared to" and thinking you're so great in your subjects. if you think so lowly of the standard of your peers, i don't see you being better than them anyhow.
Sigh. This age-old thing again. Who's "dissing" the school? Im not, at least not here, and definitely not in this context. Sure I can leave the system, but I used "cant wait to leave.."; I am perfectly aware of how, no matter how much I want to, I can't. Im constrained by many obligations, obligations which I am aware I can't abandon just to please my self.
The bad thing of blogs is that you can't control public opinion. I have no idea how you formed these opinions of yours (especially "thinking you're so great in your subjects": if only you're aware of my midyear results. As a matter of fact I abandoned history for the recent exams- Im struggling as much as anyone else damnit!) but Im not going to think too much into them for the simple fact they're insubstantial, much less accurate. To make no mention of the fact that you're just a "passer-by" who can't possibly know me for who I am.
It's often people like you who are as deeply mired in your own thoughts and convictions as I am mine, it's often people like you who misunderstand me as much as I misunderstand others.
hmmm....in a way...well said. and in a way, with focus on the last paragraph, good that you know.
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