Tsk

Music: Nothing in particular.
Book: The Lexus and the Olive Tree, Thomas Friedman.

Maybe I shouldn’t be stating this here but I was quite taken aback when a classmate told me she was in love (no not with me; no one is so silly).

Ok this love thing is getting a bit on my nerves, just thought I’d write something on it. We all know as teenagers we are relatively susceptible to the attractions of the opposite sex. What some do not know, however, is the difference between a surface, temporary attraction—infatuation, if you like—and well, love. I feel weird whenever I say this word btw. And a portion of the rest feel that they know—but still willingly choose to believe they are in some blissful love state.

I would like to say the very susceptibility towards attraction conveniently degrades our personal standards, as well as whatever judgment sense you had in the first place. When we see others in a blissful state of holding-hands we perceive they are happy and want to experience it too. When we come across stories of how a male protects and how a female appreciates we yearn to hold the benefits of such a relationship to ourselves; we want to feel secure and feel loved. When we see a physically attractive opposite we dream of many things.

And such dreams very frequently obscure our desires (and proper judgment) for what we internally know is our ideal—or at least, a more compatible-- partner, reducing us to a cocktail state of partial blindness, where we only see the good points of the other person and not the weaker points; self-perceived happiness, inaccurate compatibility, and racing heartbeats. Cocktails are very attractive aren’t they.

It gets worse for the frequent consumers. The devastation of a first relationship could very well lead to one thinking the next partner would be a better one; or worse, it could compel one into getting a 2nd relationship *immediately* to feel some self-worth, to feel loved. And in some cases, to feel some (weird) sense of retaliation. The moment several failed relationships have been buried in pages of your diary--or a pile of movie tickets—one either feels a relationship isn’t anything much so I’ll just enter one whenever the next free opposite who can converse reasonably well with me enters my life, or since it isn’t anything much we might as well abandon it altogether and lead a happier life, in which case you’ve probably wasted a lot of time. And money.

I am not condemning all you lovebirds out there, no. I am just telling you our desires—biological or otherwise--for the opposite sex can easily lead to too accessible a relationship that would eventually get scuttled in no time. And if you think your relationship is different and can last a long time you might very well be blinded by your unconscious desires. Same thing too if you think the next person whom you feel comfortable with, and who makes you laugh, is a possible partner.

I won’t even bother mentioning those people who say so-and-so is so “shuai” or very “chio”. But I suspect it’s very natural for one to think the world of that particular person if he/she approaches you, never mind the glaring disparity between characters.

I am, btw, more a proponent of sensibility than an opponent of teenage relationships. And let me tell you a normal infatuation lasts for a year, so any partner you make within 1 year is more likely to be a product of biology than chemistry.

In lighter words, it’s been a long long time since I had a meal with 4 (or more) males. Ah really, the pleasure of lunching/dining out with a group of friends of the same gender is indescribable.