1st week

Music: Catatonia- Stone by Stone
Book: [Engaged at the moment]

I met my senior one evening on my way home. He had, from a condo, downsized to a flat near my school. I dont know what the hell happened to him in VJ but he didnt do well for his prelims, and he didnt take any s papers, and he didnt look very happy to me--distinct changes from the previous him, where he was amongst the top in VS, and where he had looked decently content with life. He said it was due to a "different environment". Wanted to probe further but you discuss this kind of things over a drink, and since he's living near my school now I thought I'd save that drink for a good evening.

Been a busy week copying maths and econs and trying to look decently content with my life. Noticed the J1s looked pretty happy; I was pretty happy during my PAE period.

Over the course of a night call I revised a section of my theory of male-female relationships. To make it short girl feels happy when the guy likes her. They think, "ooh he likes me". Which is really rubbish dont you think. A girl should like a guy because of his inherent traits, she should be thinking "ooh I really like talking with him, we can converse really well together and we think alike" instead. This wrong mindset roots from the general consensus that a nice guy is a guy who is "caring", "considerate", "sensitive", "protective" etc etc. I dont know how a relationship gets sustained this way (and dont really want to know) but personally I feel it's going to lead to unconscious self-centeredness on the part of the girl, and the relationship is bound to crumble when the guy cant take it. She should feel happy because the guy is "humorous", "charming", "independent" [likewise for the male], and not because the guy calls her every night, pays for her movies ("he's soo sweet"), says he likes her, etc etc.

I've got a new maths teacher who's actually quite humourous. He asked me whether I was married after I asked him whether he is.

It's nice travelling with people who know their stuffs, and who know which are the people who dont know their stuffs. There is comfort in the knowledge that you're not the only one who thinks the dominant, elitist faction are actually a bunch of arrogant, idiotic people who cant think beyond their poseur-like ways. But oh well, what the heck anyway, we're only silent pockets of individuals ignoring and pretty much surviving the ways of the big groups, powerless and mute and with an affection for drinks in the evening.

Elsewhere, I realised for the first time Im actually quite immune to gossip. Not immune as in dont care, but immune as in no one cares. Which is good, really, especially when it protects those around you.

The temporary reprieves from school are still in tradition this year, with virtually every lunchtime meal I have at the kopitiam nearby instead of the school canteen. I dont know how students can stand that kind of food, that kind of prices, that kind of environment. A friend, who is equally dissatisfied with life at the moment, pointed out one thing I failed to notice over one such escape at the kopitiam. Alot of the girls in the arts faculty wear branded shoes. With more vehemence than I could ever muster, he pointed out that the girls in our school (in fact many girls elsewhere too; some guys are guilty too) have a certain fantasy mindset of whats life is like--influenced, of course, by all their F4 and Bridget Jones. They place excessive care on the exterior--just look at their shoes and bags. Indeed, when we got back, I was amused at the accuracy of his cited evidence.

We played Mafia over a lit tutorial. It reminded me of 1a03 because we played a version of that back then, and it was really fun.

Disjointed piece eh. Im sure you can guess what Im going to say next. For a disjointed life. Heheheh. Okok I'll try being more optimistic and stop moping about..but wait, you've got to note that I DONT mope about. When life turns this way you talk and talk about it, but you accept it and try laughing at it--numbinisation I call it.