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Music: [Hotel Rwanda]- Million Voices
Book: Pramoedya Ananta Toer- It's Not An All Night Fair Night
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Im starting to feel tired. This NUS thing, this “level 2000” module is really really tough. Tough in the sense the content is extremely..how to say, confusing. No wait, not confusing. Confusing means you can figure it out in the end. This is different. Maybe it’s too early to say now but I think for their content you truly need intellect, and not just any form of intellect. You need the kind of intellect that can grapple adequately, in fact grapple extensively, with concepts equivalent to “infinite regression/variation”, “who-created-god-and-who-created-that-creator-of-god-who-created-the-universe (etc etc)”. We don’t do those things but this psychoanalysis thing……..ergh……..Differentiating between the first-person narrator and the author who creates the first-person narrator is one thing—that with some effort can be grappled with. But then you go and analyze what is going through the author’s mind and the text he created—and you try to identify the parts where his mentally suppressed thoughts get revealed in some form. Problem is, the author himself might be aware of his own mentally suppressed thoughts and the line gets very blurred between his tool of the first-person narrator and his pure, own thoughts. (And trying to figure out what the first-person narrator is driving at is hard in itself already). And then there’s still the issue of conflict between the author and narrator which are very very hard to identify, and when they did identify it I couldn’t get it.
The thing is, unlike maths where you can force it through, you don’t get it if you don’t get it in literature—and even if you somehow manage to force it down it’s almost worthless because you wouldn’t truly understand and appreciate it anyway.
During tutorial I felt like raising my hand up and say, “Hey doctor, I think Pramoedya in his book was trying to take us through an emotional journey; his focus is more on the syntax, the diction, the way the paragraphs and events are arranged, the selective visioning that evoked strong emotions within us than it is the symbolisms and double-level awareness thingyies you’re telling us. You think too much.” But oh well, he IS a doctor after all, he shld know what he’s doing. And btw don’t think it’s good that oh, Im thinking my own way and stuffs (they like promoting this in lit). Because your own way isn’t going to matter at all if the question is “Briefly elaborate on the psychoanalytical aspects in the book” or “Relate the Oedipus Complex to so-and-so”. I’ve got to bring myself to terms with those things no matter how much I disagree. I don’t even understand it in the first place. If theyre doing this thing for JC students I think they might want to consider giving us “level 1000” modules instead of jumping straight to level 2000. Oh dear! Saying that just made me realize Im actually not academically disadvantaged as compared with my peers. Because this is literature! Meaning we are more or less on level ground—they don’t have superior knowledge of things (as compared to say, the sciences), at least not in that academic sense, though one might point out they do have one or more years of exposure to lit stuff. Which means that either they are as clueless as I am or they’re way smarter—not surprising considering the fact that this module is opened only to those who got a C and above in A level lit. Grr. Meaning they know their stuffs and I better start knowing mine. Especially when I’ve got a presentation next week. Damn.
I obtained a slight headache after the tutorial and lecture, presumably from forcing my mind to think about all those psychoanalysis things. It didn’t help that I waited 20 mins for dinner, another 20 mins for a bus and 15 mins for the second bus. Lessons ended at 5. I got home at 8. Which means 3 hours spent just eating dinner, making a short trip to a hostel with my project mate, and traveling home. That’s totally rubbish. I hate time being wasted like that.
Incidentally, I thought of striking a conversation with a HCJC female who sat beside me on the bus. (Do note that it’d be the same thing if it were a male) Yeayea, believe it or not I do that kind of stuffs. Whether you think of it positively or negatively or think it’s idiotic or whatever, don’t bother me with your own point of view. But it’s been a real long time since I’ve tried to talk to a stranger on the bus, almost a year probably? It’s not a everytime kind of thing, there are circumstances to be met. I had had a real tiring and frustrating day. It’d be nice if I could just let loose and express my uh self. The normal condition is usually when Im feeling happy but this is the other way round.
Guys in this respect of striking up a conversation are substantially more approachable than girls. There is only one group you cant try, the act cool class of people. For girls that restriction is imposed too yes, but you’ve got to have another pre-requisite too. Eye contact and a smile, however ambiguous it might be. That is very very crucial because it eases up tension and is a clear indication as to whether you should try in the first place. Do girls go around smiling at people, then you may ask. Not really, but I think if theyre friendly enough theyd respond if you start first. Im no handsome, young thing- if I were eye contact and a smile would either be always there, or it wouldn’t matter if it were there or not. That’s another point as to why it’s crucial. But as it was, this particular female looked rather absorbed trying to look cool, so I let her continue her mission undisrupted.
Well, so here I am, venting my day’s life out and talking about all the trivial things like any other teenager, whilst downing my second cup of coffee (Im trying to keep awake to compensate for that 3 hours wasted). S paper lessons tmr, cross country on Wednesday (is it?), history test on Thursday, NUS-lit presentation due next Monday, project due in 6 weeks time and a full academic essay due in 8 weeks (whole thing shouts PW). Stress arh. I am at my weakest point now, this is where you should strike me off.
No no don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean it in that *big* way. What Im thinking of is actually, you know, to all relatively free people out there, you should really appreciate and treasure the free time you have. Im sure it would benefit you even if you couldn’t care less about crushing whatever dominance I have over anything. (I do, however, perceive a growing sense of competition between not only my classmates but people outside too..Allright maybe I shouldnt read too much into things, it could just be due to the fact that A levels is coming)
Your mind is the greatest weapon you have against your own mind. Go figure, but that’s what I’ve always believed in.
Book: Pramoedya Ananta Toer- It's Not An All Night Fair Night
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Im starting to feel tired. This NUS thing, this “level 2000” module is really really tough. Tough in the sense the content is extremely..how to say, confusing. No wait, not confusing. Confusing means you can figure it out in the end. This is different. Maybe it’s too early to say now but I think for their content you truly need intellect, and not just any form of intellect. You need the kind of intellect that can grapple adequately, in fact grapple extensively, with concepts equivalent to “infinite regression/variation”, “who-created-god-and-who-created-that-creator-of-god-who-created-the-universe (etc etc)”. We don’t do those things but this psychoanalysis thing……..ergh……..Differentiating between the first-person narrator and the author who creates the first-person narrator is one thing—that with some effort can be grappled with. But then you go and analyze what is going through the author’s mind and the text he created—and you try to identify the parts where his mentally suppressed thoughts get revealed in some form. Problem is, the author himself might be aware of his own mentally suppressed thoughts and the line gets very blurred between his tool of the first-person narrator and his pure, own thoughts. (And trying to figure out what the first-person narrator is driving at is hard in itself already). And then there’s still the issue of conflict between the author and narrator which are very very hard to identify, and when they did identify it I couldn’t get it.
The thing is, unlike maths where you can force it through, you don’t get it if you don’t get it in literature—and even if you somehow manage to force it down it’s almost worthless because you wouldn’t truly understand and appreciate it anyway.
During tutorial I felt like raising my hand up and say, “Hey doctor, I think Pramoedya in his book was trying to take us through an emotional journey; his focus is more on the syntax, the diction, the way the paragraphs and events are arranged, the selective visioning that evoked strong emotions within us than it is the symbolisms and double-level awareness thingyies you’re telling us. You think too much.” But oh well, he IS a doctor after all, he shld know what he’s doing. And btw don’t think it’s good that oh, Im thinking my own way and stuffs (they like promoting this in lit). Because your own way isn’t going to matter at all if the question is “Briefly elaborate on the psychoanalytical aspects in the book” or “Relate the Oedipus Complex to so-and-so”. I’ve got to bring myself to terms with those things no matter how much I disagree. I don’t even understand it in the first place. If theyre doing this thing for JC students I think they might want to consider giving us “level 1000” modules instead of jumping straight to level 2000. Oh dear! Saying that just made me realize Im actually not academically disadvantaged as compared with my peers. Because this is literature! Meaning we are more or less on level ground—they don’t have superior knowledge of things (as compared to say, the sciences), at least not in that academic sense, though one might point out they do have one or more years of exposure to lit stuff. Which means that either they are as clueless as I am or they’re way smarter—not surprising considering the fact that this module is opened only to those who got a C and above in A level lit. Grr. Meaning they know their stuffs and I better start knowing mine. Especially when I’ve got a presentation next week. Damn.
I obtained a slight headache after the tutorial and lecture, presumably from forcing my mind to think about all those psychoanalysis things. It didn’t help that I waited 20 mins for dinner, another 20 mins for a bus and 15 mins for the second bus. Lessons ended at 5. I got home at 8. Which means 3 hours spent just eating dinner, making a short trip to a hostel with my project mate, and traveling home. That’s totally rubbish. I hate time being wasted like that.
Incidentally, I thought of striking a conversation with a HCJC female who sat beside me on the bus. (Do note that it’d be the same thing if it were a male) Yeayea, believe it or not I do that kind of stuffs. Whether you think of it positively or negatively or think it’s idiotic or whatever, don’t bother me with your own point of view. But it’s been a real long time since I’ve tried to talk to a stranger on the bus, almost a year probably? It’s not a everytime kind of thing, there are circumstances to be met. I had had a real tiring and frustrating day. It’d be nice if I could just let loose and express my uh self. The normal condition is usually when Im feeling happy but this is the other way round.
Guys in this respect of striking up a conversation are substantially more approachable than girls. There is only one group you cant try, the act cool class of people. For girls that restriction is imposed too yes, but you’ve got to have another pre-requisite too. Eye contact and a smile, however ambiguous it might be. That is very very crucial because it eases up tension and is a clear indication as to whether you should try in the first place. Do girls go around smiling at people, then you may ask. Not really, but I think if theyre friendly enough theyd respond if you start first. Im no handsome, young thing- if I were eye contact and a smile would either be always there, or it wouldn’t matter if it were there or not. That’s another point as to why it’s crucial. But as it was, this particular female looked rather absorbed trying to look cool, so I let her continue her mission undisrupted.
Well, so here I am, venting my day’s life out and talking about all the trivial things like any other teenager, whilst downing my second cup of coffee (Im trying to keep awake to compensate for that 3 hours wasted). S paper lessons tmr, cross country on Wednesday (is it?), history test on Thursday, NUS-lit presentation due next Monday, project due in 6 weeks time and a full academic essay due in 8 weeks (whole thing shouts PW). Stress arh. I am at my weakest point now, this is where you should strike me off.
No no don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean it in that *big* way. What Im thinking of is actually, you know, to all relatively free people out there, you should really appreciate and treasure the free time you have. Im sure it would benefit you even if you couldn’t care less about crushing whatever dominance I have over anything. (I do, however, perceive a growing sense of competition between not only my classmates but people outside too..Allright maybe I shouldnt read too much into things, it could just be due to the fact that A levels is coming)
Your mind is the greatest weapon you have against your own mind. Go figure, but that’s what I’ve always believed in.
6 Comments:
just wanted to say that i fully agree with your last sentence.
:)
I think in j2, one do not have much time. It seem to like to run away from me.
thought you would talk to the girl to make her cool act fall apart. that would be amusing.
You seem to know me well.
Yes that would've been amusing but I work as an opportunist, not as a proactivist. Meaning to say I am primarily concerned over factors surrounding the core issue, to such an extent where I neglect the core issue itself.
Applying this to the situation, my mood was not in the correct posture then, the latent undercurrents, chemistry, whatever didnt strike me as right, so I neglected the core issue of saying hi to the stranger.
Hmm but now that you've put it this way I feel rather tempted to.........hehehe.
Wait for the next opportunity? lol.
oh yeah mrs teo said she was considering making you give some speech to the lit students about your uni experience. watch out. :)
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