Nightmare
I just woke up from the worst nightmare I've had over the upcoming exams (yes I've been having nightmares about the exams sporadically), and it's definitely one of the most ghastly nightmares I've ever had even though I dont recall any of my other nightmares.
I can’t go into the details now because it has grown, literally, fuzzier by the minute. I just recall a scene where I couldn’t finish the papers on time and shouted profanities at the classmate seated beside me, and the whole hall turned to me. But what was really striking was—is—the cold looks I distinctly remember receiving from my tutors. The disappointment or at least, surprise they had—veritable, unbearable.
Im a person who cares a lot about other people’s expectations, even if they’re non-existent in the first place. If that is good—in the sense it would propel me to turn negative expectations on their head—I cannot help but feel now it is going to deal me a greater blow when I cannot sustain positive expectations.
And the danger is real. I really don’t know what I’ve been doing the past 2 weeks. One day for one maths paper , 3 days for 2 lit texts out of six we’re going to be tested for. Regret is such a heart-rending force, and I’m having loads of it now.
Think the dream came at a time too late, now with exactly three days left. People who think it's normally the overachievers who complain and worry the most should think again because nonachievers worry about what they're not going to accomplish too. People who say it’s never too late to start are overly optimistic and excessively ignorant of the short-term reality, and I for one am glad—if this is the kind of thing you should be glad for—that at least I know where I am going to go wrong and when. The problem here is I don’t know why.
I can’t go into the details now because it has grown, literally, fuzzier by the minute. I just recall a scene where I couldn’t finish the papers on time and shouted profanities at the classmate seated beside me, and the whole hall turned to me. But what was really striking was—is—the cold looks I distinctly remember receiving from my tutors. The disappointment or at least, surprise they had—veritable, unbearable.
Im a person who cares a lot about other people’s expectations, even if they’re non-existent in the first place. If that is good—in the sense it would propel me to turn negative expectations on their head—I cannot help but feel now it is going to deal me a greater blow when I cannot sustain positive expectations.
And the danger is real. I really don’t know what I’ve been doing the past 2 weeks. One day for one maths paper , 3 days for 2 lit texts out of six we’re going to be tested for. Regret is such a heart-rending force, and I’m having loads of it now.
Think the dream came at a time too late, now with exactly three days left. People who think it's normally the overachievers who complain and worry the most should think again because nonachievers worry about what they're not going to accomplish too. People who say it’s never too late to start are overly optimistic and excessively ignorant of the short-term reality, and I for one am glad—if this is the kind of thing you should be glad for—that at least I know where I am going to go wrong and when. The problem here is I don’t know why.
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