Lazy
Music: U2 - Spanish Eyes
Book: Mortimer J.Adler/Charles Van Doren - How To Read A Book
Apple juice. Sunny afternoon. Pop-rock music. Mmm. There is a certain..something in afternoons such as this, where you do pretty nothing much but lounge online, chat with friends who, like you, are leaning back on their computer chairs talking with others who are, like them, leaning back on their chairs, listening to music suited for the astute laziness present at this time of the day...
Modern-day spiritual connection.
I was talking to a friend yesterday, and I thought it was a rather enlightening talk, to me as much as her. She was mentioning about the type of guy she would like, and she brought up the all-too classical construct of the "sensitive, caring, well-mannered, in-control gentleman who has perhaps a measure of fun and charm too".
I told her no, such a guy would never exist. My explanation, I assure you, does not follow the classic refutation. For me, I say it doesnt exist because I believe in the malleability of perspective. The initial perception would meld, almost immediately, to a diferent perception upon the moment of closer engagement. This is not to say it changes for the worse. Oh no, far from that. It's because with closer interaction with the person at hand you get to see the way he laughs, the way he truly is as a normal friend , and unless you're the kind of person who has "sensitive, caring, well-mannered, in-control gentlemen who have perhaps a measure of fun and charm too" as normal friends then obviously the guy you intially perceive as the gentleman would "degrade", from your point of view, into the way a friend is. Again I repeat, this degradation is in essence not the typical degradation--his status changes from that of gentleman to a friend, and whilst this means a probably letdown to your expectations of the ideal partner it still means you've got a new friend, a good enough trade-off if you ask me.
Therefore, from this line of thought, the gentleman (or whatever is your conception of the ideal partner) can only exist as a state of your mind, because you will never be able to perceive for yourself, in as physical-reality a sense as possible, the form of such a person. A sharp person would then be able to point out that this by no means proves there does not exist a mature, sensible gentleman out there-- and this is actually besides the point because even if granted, they exist, you would still never--if one may pardon the absolute term-- get such a person yourself because of the perspective-shift upon moments of closer itneraction.
Incidentally this may lead to a 3-tiered person/partner/friend. 1, you perceive a sensible, mature guy. 2, this perspective changes when he becomes your friend (one of the assumptions this argument rests quite comfortably on is that the 2nd stage after strangers is friends and not immediately straight to bf/gf) 3, this friend which you once thought a partner could still actually be the very essence of your ideal partner, but because it gets covered in the stage of friendship you wouldnt know.
This, btw, isnt based on some random burst of my logic; Ive been through numerous instances, with both male and female, whom I initially thought would be the kind of high-flier, in-control etc etc person but over time and closer interaction turn out to be a totally someone else. And in fact, you could apply this line of thought to a lot of things. Does a united class exist? The very people who have been through class bbqs, dinners at swensons etc etc are the very people who, at some point of time after, still maintain that their class is very divided, there's lots of politics etc. Is this a case of unlimited wants--or does it just prove the malleability of perspectives?
Realised I am a very weak person- I tend to base my actions on others. When it comes to studying I've got to have the encourgaement that people are studying too-- and if people close to me say theyre slacking I tend to just give up too, in the deluded comfort-thought that "hey he/she is a decent performer-- and yet he/she isnt studying..maybe I can afford to not study too.."
Malleability of perspectives.
Book: Mortimer J.Adler/Charles Van Doren - How To Read A Book
Apple juice. Sunny afternoon. Pop-rock music. Mmm. There is a certain..something in afternoons such as this, where you do pretty nothing much but lounge online, chat with friends who, like you, are leaning back on their computer chairs talking with others who are, like them, leaning back on their chairs, listening to music suited for the astute laziness present at this time of the day...
Modern-day spiritual connection.
I was talking to a friend yesterday, and I thought it was a rather enlightening talk, to me as much as her. She was mentioning about the type of guy she would like, and she brought up the all-too classical construct of the "sensitive, caring, well-mannered, in-control gentleman who has perhaps a measure of fun and charm too".
I told her no, such a guy would never exist. My explanation, I assure you, does not follow the classic refutation. For me, I say it doesnt exist because I believe in the malleability of perspective. The initial perception would meld, almost immediately, to a diferent perception upon the moment of closer engagement. This is not to say it changes for the worse. Oh no, far from that. It's because with closer interaction with the person at hand you get to see the way he laughs, the way he truly is as a normal friend , and unless you're the kind of person who has "sensitive, caring, well-mannered, in-control gentlemen who have perhaps a measure of fun and charm too" as normal friends then obviously the guy you intially perceive as the gentleman would "degrade", from your point of view, into the way a friend is. Again I repeat, this degradation is in essence not the typical degradation--his status changes from that of gentleman to a friend, and whilst this means a probably letdown to your expectations of the ideal partner it still means you've got a new friend, a good enough trade-off if you ask me.
Therefore, from this line of thought, the gentleman (or whatever is your conception of the ideal partner) can only exist as a state of your mind, because you will never be able to perceive for yourself, in as physical-reality a sense as possible, the form of such a person. A sharp person would then be able to point out that this by no means proves there does not exist a mature, sensible gentleman out there-- and this is actually besides the point because even if granted, they exist, you would still never--if one may pardon the absolute term-- get such a person yourself because of the perspective-shift upon moments of closer itneraction.
Incidentally this may lead to a 3-tiered person/partner/friend. 1, you perceive a sensible, mature guy. 2, this perspective changes when he becomes your friend (one of the assumptions this argument rests quite comfortably on is that the 2nd stage after strangers is friends and not immediately straight to bf/gf) 3, this friend which you once thought a partner could still actually be the very essence of your ideal partner, but because it gets covered in the stage of friendship you wouldnt know.
This, btw, isnt based on some random burst of my logic; Ive been through numerous instances, with both male and female, whom I initially thought would be the kind of high-flier, in-control etc etc person but over time and closer interaction turn out to be a totally someone else. And in fact, you could apply this line of thought to a lot of things. Does a united class exist? The very people who have been through class bbqs, dinners at swensons etc etc are the very people who, at some point of time after, still maintain that their class is very divided, there's lots of politics etc. Is this a case of unlimited wants--or does it just prove the malleability of perspectives?
Realised I am a very weak person- I tend to base my actions on others. When it comes to studying I've got to have the encourgaement that people are studying too-- and if people close to me say theyre slacking I tend to just give up too, in the deluded comfort-thought that "hey he/she is a decent performer-- and yet he/she isnt studying..maybe I can afford to not study too.."
Malleability of perspectives.
6 Comments:
Btw, you might want to think up on whether a person's partner is his/her best friend of the opposite gender OR a partner is something more and NOT a friend of the opposite gender. In short, is love a subset of friendship and vice versa.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Nice. I thought about it and Ive got to say my own take on this is multi-tiered.
Friend and partner is separate- which actually forms the cornerstone of all that is mentioned above. IE You cant describe your friend to be a gentleman with respect to the way he treats you. He can be a gentleman to others but on the level of your friendship the two terms (your friend and your gentleman) are irreconcilable.
And yet I have this personal feeling that the most compatible couple, the ideal couple, can only be derived from friendship.
Two routes:
Gentleman (or whatever is your preferred choice) -> relationship
Gentleman -> Friends -> relationship,
where the 2nd route is superior to the first. (Which incidentally explains why I disapprove of teenage relationships in general because they tend to kick off after a few weeks/months--hardly an adequate time for friendship to materialize)
People have told me another story, the third route.
Friends -> Gentleman -> Relationship.
Im split over how this would turn out. I guess no matter what it has to depend on the purity and sincerity of the 'gentleman-ness' in the 'gentleman'. Which leads me to another of my own point...Insofar as the gentleman recognizes himself as a gentleman he is NOT a gentleman; the purest of such a breed exists only as a perception of others and never a self-conceived perception....gah I can go on and on about this business...
I'll just leave you with a quote a friend, himself a cynic when it comes to gentlemen and the like, gave: A gentleman is just a patient wolf.
Thought you told me this in sec3/4? Hmm...okay...interesting topic.
You almost sound... experienced.
yt
that quote sounds very familiar....
Post a Comment
<< Home