A bed of roses
Music: The Decemberists - The Engine Driver
Book: Albert Camus - The Plague
This is going to be one of those bleaker ones.
It's youth day today, the last of which I would experience, as cheerfully reminded by someone earlier this morning. I stayed home today, as I had over the weekend.
Somewhere from April last year things have gone horribly, irreversibly wrong with my social life. Many reasons why, but the one that stands out most repellingly, the Sore Thumb of sore thumbs, would be my present class. To be fair the blame should be put as solidly on my shoulders as my classmates', to be fair we are all victims of circumstance-- no one knew we would be placed in a class with over 5 different combis (and worse, combis which hail from 2 corners of earth), no one wanted such an uneven mix of epsilon-minus males with alpha-plus females, alpha-plus-plus-plus females if I could add, alpha-plus-plus-plus.
It doesnt help that everywhere I turn to others are having a hell of a time in college with their class. Chalets, movies, sentosa, lanshops, you name it. When was the last time I ever went out in a group of more than 6? A year, barring a nondescript sending-off dinner to a first 3 month classmate on his nautical adventure of 1.5 years. (Look, even 13 people who came together more than a year ago, 13 random people who had a brief 3-month journey can continue walking forward a year after; some other groups dont even start walking)
Why do these things happen, the miserable person asks. Why, of all people, must I have my only go at college ruined? Because life isnt a bed of roses, a mysterious voice booms. Thats not true dude, life is a bed of roses-- only some roses have more thorns than others, only some roses never bloom, only some roses wither faster than others.
Envy, when accustomed to, very frequently prompts introspective moments. Being apart from a group of any sort has, in many ways, revolutionized my life, calibrated my self, gave me a new mind, liberated me to greater depression.
There are other approaches one could have. Perhaps my situation is unavoidable because of a certain genetic disposition of mine: these things would happen sooner or later. My genetic disposition isnt a bed of roses. And perhaps it is beneficial too-- after all, the shift from the Group to the Individual has expanded my social circle in type, if not so much in quantity. And the good thing about having an individual/small-group dominated social circle configuration is that it's concentrated, it allows greater freedom of expression, it would last long because the people in it bond on merit of similarities, not by chance of circumstance, not because of sentosa or seoul garden. Besides, and this is a rather debatable point, who could say people in larger groups are necessarily, genuinely happier than those from without? Quantity might not be there but quality is uncompromised.
The grass is always greener on the other side may be a good description on our mindsets, but it definitely does not give an account of what is over the other side of the fence and what is on your side. It is not impossible to find, over a barren stretch of wasteland, a rose clinging onto itself for dear life, waiting for a wandering nomad to appreciate its beauty in his search for an oasis.
Uh I see words coming.
It is not impossible snow falls over desert.
As it is not impossible a rose, a pretty rose,
Finds itself lost in the sands, mired without company
Waiting for a wandering nomad eternally lost and eternally free
To appreciate its beauty in his search for an oasis,
In his search for life.
Swathed fully in blistering, salty sweat
How many tears must he aimless shed
Before an act of goodwill up there
Cast him away in a sea of water
Giving him life to prolong death--
For surely solitude is condemned and misery;
And how long more must the rose wait
For another one forlorn
To take it in his hands,(with a loving gaze)
And cast it away into an oasis
Where it may either blossom and perpetuate
Or finally end its life
Drowned in a spring of water
Because that is a life it could never have.
Book: Albert Camus - The Plague
This is going to be one of those bleaker ones.
It's youth day today, the last of which I would experience, as cheerfully reminded by someone earlier this morning. I stayed home today, as I had over the weekend.
Somewhere from April last year things have gone horribly, irreversibly wrong with my social life. Many reasons why, but the one that stands out most repellingly, the Sore Thumb of sore thumbs, would be my present class. To be fair the blame should be put as solidly on my shoulders as my classmates', to be fair we are all victims of circumstance-- no one knew we would be placed in a class with over 5 different combis (and worse, combis which hail from 2 corners of earth), no one wanted such an uneven mix of epsilon-minus males with alpha-plus females, alpha-plus-plus-plus females if I could add, alpha-plus-plus-plus.
It doesnt help that everywhere I turn to others are having a hell of a time in college with their class. Chalets, movies, sentosa, lanshops, you name it. When was the last time I ever went out in a group of more than 6? A year, barring a nondescript sending-off dinner to a first 3 month classmate on his nautical adventure of 1.5 years. (Look, even 13 people who came together more than a year ago, 13 random people who had a brief 3-month journey can continue walking forward a year after; some other groups dont even start walking)
Why do these things happen, the miserable person asks. Why, of all people, must I have my only go at college ruined? Because life isnt a bed of roses, a mysterious voice booms. Thats not true dude, life is a bed of roses-- only some roses have more thorns than others, only some roses never bloom, only some roses wither faster than others.
Envy, when accustomed to, very frequently prompts introspective moments. Being apart from a group of any sort has, in many ways, revolutionized my life, calibrated my self, gave me a new mind, liberated me to greater depression.
There are other approaches one could have. Perhaps my situation is unavoidable because of a certain genetic disposition of mine: these things would happen sooner or later. My genetic disposition isnt a bed of roses. And perhaps it is beneficial too-- after all, the shift from the Group to the Individual has expanded my social circle in type, if not so much in quantity. And the good thing about having an individual/small-group dominated social circle configuration is that it's concentrated, it allows greater freedom of expression, it would last long because the people in it bond on merit of similarities, not by chance of circumstance, not because of sentosa or seoul garden. Besides, and this is a rather debatable point, who could say people in larger groups are necessarily, genuinely happier than those from without? Quantity might not be there but quality is uncompromised.
The grass is always greener on the other side may be a good description on our mindsets, but it definitely does not give an account of what is over the other side of the fence and what is on your side. It is not impossible to find, over a barren stretch of wasteland, a rose clinging onto itself for dear life, waiting for a wandering nomad to appreciate its beauty in his search for an oasis.
Uh I see words coming.
It is not impossible snow falls over desert.
As it is not impossible a rose, a pretty rose,
Finds itself lost in the sands, mired without company
Waiting for a wandering nomad eternally lost and eternally free
To appreciate its beauty in his search for an oasis,
In his search for life.
Swathed fully in blistering, salty sweat
How many tears must he aimless shed
Before an act of goodwill up there
Cast him away in a sea of water
Giving him life to prolong death--
For surely solitude is condemned and misery;
And how long more must the rose wait
For another one forlorn
To take it in his hands,(with a loving gaze)
And cast it away into an oasis
Where it may either blossom and perpetuate
Or finally end its life
Drowned in a spring of water
Because that is a life it could never have.
3 Comments:
just accept your fate, your destiny.
i'm coming to terms with mine. coming, that is.
you probably should, too.
when yin and yang don't meet, it really isn't anybody's fault.
"life is a bed of roses - only some roses have more thorns than others, only some roses never bloom, only some roses wither faster than others."
That's what I always say too, but I have an additional line: "and some roses, no matter how beautiful they are, you just never learn to appreciate."
btw the poem is lovely.
Ah chill. I never go out with my class either.
And the alpha-plus-plus female thing is something we have in common, my friend. =)
Sometimes we've just got to accept our lot in life.
And before I forget, nice poem.
-goes back to lurking-
Post a Comment
<< Home