Irrational rationalization (I)

Yay, one project finally finished. Hope it wins something, though I wouldn't be surprised if it doesn't. If it doesn't I will say it's God's Will and God wants me to learn from this invaluable experience and strive to do better in the future.

Eh? Then what happens if it does win something? Oh, then I must thank God for giving me the opportunity to excel. I must thank Him for giving me strength, for without His guidance I wouldn't have been able to succeed.

Thank God I'm not a believer.

Well done

By God's Grace, I scored well for my exams. -- Why can't you attribute your results to your own bloody self?

And what happens when you don't do well for the exams? You blame yourself and not God.

When event X happens, God shalt be praised where X is positive, and He shalt be conveniently forgotten where X is negative.

Unless X concerns a life, in which case God will be supremely revered where X is positive, and supremely mysterious where X is negative, for the pastor will always say, God's Will can never be understood by us mortal beings.

That line is one of the most irritating lines I've ever heard in my entire life. It whisks the Christian out of an impending intellectual argument defeat and places him in an area of shroud where no ray of rationality can ever reach.

Time

On some days I would take a nap from 5 to 7 or 8pm, and I would take dinner and a bath thereafter. On such occasions I would tend to feel incredibly clear-minded in a pensive sort of way, and I would spend some time -any amount up to 4hours- cooped up in my room listening to what I find are melancholic songs (Enya, Death Cab for Cutie).

Most of the time I would reflect on life. I would wonder whats there at the end of the road. And then I would look back at my present life in a different light. I would think about my friends, the things we did recently and the things we usually do, and I would think all that pale in comparison when we're all at the end and ready to move on in our separate ways. At the same time, those thoughts would fill me with a certain sense of contentment because what we really do usually is just enjoy ourselves, enjoy ourselves in complete ignorance of the greater things at hand. The simple pleasures of life, glorified by life itself, which is inherently and ultimately empty and meaningless. We take those simple pleasures of life and we enjoy it together.

Sometimes I would look out the windows and view the city lights. I would wonder what everyone is doing at this point of time, and I would soak in the wind and the night, the general peacefulness of people dining outside or watching tv in their homes.

Sometimes I would daydream. I would dream about living together in the isolated countryside, and we would swim in the lake at night when the moon is large and glowing off the waters. Later on we would retire to our rooms for a game of chess, or bridge, or just something to occupy ourselves by the fireplace.

Such ruminations usually give me the impetus to read, or write, or both, and it is usually with astonishing clarity and vigour that I engage in those activities-- a pity, then, it is not often I can catch a nap from 5 to 8pm because of national service.

I have appreciated the effects of good sleep-- quality and quantity wise-- in recent times. With good sleep I am able to make decisions that benefit me more in the long run, as opposed to those that benefit me in the short run. My willpower strengthens and on the whole I enjoy the things I do more than on other times when I am sleep-deprived (and I am sleep-deprived most of the times). I enjoy my music more, for example.

My friend just told me I have to pack my field pack because there is an inspection on wednesday. Do you know why I hate the army?

And theres duty tomorow. I just don't have the time. The raw time to first and foremost expand on my current production line of activities, and second, to sleep more so that I would enjoy those activities. The past month has been terrible because there was so little time after work and leisure that I had to force myself to sit down at my desk and write my short story, and I didnt enjoy it very much.

But I have to continue writing. The deadline's approaching. And there's another competition due end of next month. I need to keep on pushing. There's just so little time.

In September I will write an essay for the chief of army essay competition. It will be titled 'Why I Hate the Army' and its contents will be copied into a separate letter to my commanding officer.

To ensure that her young get food the moment they are born the female moth injects her eggs into carterpillars' bodies, and so when those eggs start hatching grubs are seen poking out from the caterpillar's anatomy.

3 more months

FRIEND: Eh you not sian meh thursday friday saturday parade rehearsal, sunday rest, monday tuesday rehearse again, wednesday rest, thursday parade, friday rest, saturday parade again.

ME: Better than being in the workshop monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday.

A day in the workshop is just...just..I don't know. On another note, energy levels are at all-time low. I had been subsisting on 1-day weekends for a month a fortnight ago, marathon runs are now conducted every tuesdays and fridays, and now, change-of-command parade on top of ndp parade. But I'm not complaining because a full week at the workshop is a few levels worse than all that. And I've been going through full weeks at the workshop since January. When isit going to end.

Anyway, just to highlight the sheer idiocy of the army, 40 able-bodied men are pulled out from each of 4 maintainence battalions for 5 working days just to rehearse for a change-of-command parade for our big head officer. That's 6400 man-hours gone. Converting this sum to monetary terms, where each man-hour is $66, (curiously enough we don't see that amount of pay given to us; yea army gives out allowance and not pay-- so this makes us cheap labour), we arrive at a figure in excess of $400,000. Essentially $400,000 is spent for 160 men to carry rifles and drip bucketloads of sweat just to have a ceremony for the new incoming boss. Even if you don't think it as money lost such operations have absolutely no profitable outcome save for the ceremonial value generated, and even then this value is a transient and abstract value, which is actually a nicer way of saying it's total bullshit.

Arts central

Do you know centipedes eat bats? No. You'are not interested. You're more interested in playing computer games and surfing the net.