Beauty - the relevance of irrelevance

I was browsing through some quite irrelevant material for the A levels when I chanced upon a very unlikely ally of sorts. His name is Gerard Manley Hopkins, and I've never heard of him till now. He said:

Poetry is speech framed for contemplation of the mind by way of hearing or speech framed to be heard for its own sake and interest even over and above its interest of meaning. Some matter and meaning is essential to it but only as an element necessary to support and employ the shape which is contemplated for its own sake.

It's pretty Wildean if you ask me, to the extent he is proposing art should express only itself and should pursue only its own beauty.

And really, I cannot agree with such concepts of aestheticism more. Art is merely, but purely, a seperate reality that so satisfies the individual by providing him or her the means of an escape from current reality. Hence the essence of art lies in "the shape" of this reality and not its substance; emphasis is placed more on the manner of escape than the destination of it.

I'll give you another quote. It's by Nick Hornby, and he said: "I am first a fan of Arsenal, and second, a fan of football". I'm not sure what he meant in his context, or the relevance it has to the above, but in any case, I agree with him too.

Meat is good

AOEIII out. If I sound deprived, deranged, obssessed, it's only because the starving man salivates at the sight of the leanest meat tendon that would, in different circumstances, be treated with utter indifference.

Important List

Here's a list of things to do after the A levels. I've categorised them up by time:

Immediate Post-Exams (1-7 days)
1) Buy The Completed Works of Oscar Wilde. Had always wanted to, but was never willing to because of its price. A cash prize won recently removes this restraint.

2) Buy AOEIII as well as FM2006.

3) Buy a girl. Probably kiss her too.

General Post-Exams (28th Nov- 6th Jan)
1) Finish off the books I've purchased over the past 2 years or so (from warehouse sales, impulse shopping etc) so that I can enjoy a new wave.

2) Reclaim lost friends, including the sailor I mentioned previously.

3) Complete the AOEIII campaign in 2 days; thereafter hit it out on the multiplayer arena. At the same, dominate my friends with Arsenal in FM2006. Liverpool would do too, but that would have to depend on how good my new strikers would be.

4) Go for one or two overseas trips.

5) Celebrate christmas for the first time in my life. Actually this point doesnt really matter-- christmas, for me, is merely an excuse for gatherings.

6)Finally have a good soak in the pool with my gay friends, a swim where we dont have to worry about studying the following day. Alternatively, splash water at them. This one matters.

Short-term future (2-4 years)
1) Join a clan for AOEIII, preferably one pioneered by friends. Rise up in the multiplayer ladder, establish and maintain a respectable position, be a loyal member. Always good to feel part of a community, always good to have some self-worth.

2) Read. Preliminary capital investment in aeas of intellectual-emotional areas.

3) Write. Create one or several plays. In line with 2) wil also churn out articles either for newspapers or for a sister blog I will set up then.

Medium term future (6-20 years)
1) Rent an apartment with friends, or beside friends. Think Friends.

2) Visit the great places in this world, which include iceland by the way.

3) Kiss a girl, preferably the same one as 6-20 years before.

4) Steadily lose my friends to marriage. Remember to invite me to your weddings. Better still, let me be your best man! Tehehe.

5) Save up a lot of money for the 2nd life.

6) Copulate to spread the force. I mean to spread my genes. I mean to spread my genes which has the force. This is my way of creating a lasting impact on society by the way.

Long-term future (20-40 years)
1) Pioneer a new creed of thinking. Romantic existentialism sounds nice.

2) Final visit to every single person I know. (This is why I emphasize the need for a central address book, and remember to tell me if you change address)

3) A gathering of sorts of all my friends, so that all my social circles will form one large circle on that very one occasion before I die.

Constant future (spans all categories)
1) Quiet finners with friends, followed by chess/card/board games.

2) Ensure our spirit of humour would never die off.

The 2nd Life (the 2nd Life)
1) Retire to the countryside.

2) Live in space. (Did you read about the Lunar Embassy? I've got half a mind to buy several acres the moment I get a credit card)

3) A space cruise to nowhere.

I am determined to fulfil at least 75% of this list, and by the way you're invited to join me in the space trip to nowhere. Will go only after I've ensured I've left behind a lasting impression in this world though. It is always very important to leave behind lasting impressions in this world.

Seashells (II)

I've got a friend who takes nautical studies in a poly and he plans to be a sailor in the future. As part of his 1.5 year attatchment program he's currently aboard a ship enjoying a sailor's life, and unless I am much mistaken he's already got a job with a shipping company. The path to his dream is set on smooth waters. Another friend of mine is going to arizona, us, next year, her dream to do architecture overseas crystalised into reality. For any amount of these people around, there is a greater amount of us who are struggling merely to continue dreaming.

I used a trump card today, one of the few I've got left. Didnt want to use it, really, because I didnt want any more debate over my life plans, it being so close to the final exams and everything. But circumstances were favourable, and I decided to go for it.

I paid a visit to the prinicipal. She remembered me, and for the umpteenth time she welcomed me. I asked if she was free, and she said yes she was, and she said u want to talk?, and I replied yes I want to, and we talked for an hour.

The first issue I brought up--it was the primary issue I had on my agenda-- was that of academic sponsorship. I told her I need money to go overseas, and I asked if the school's affiliated bodies would be so kind as to offer students money to do so, and she said no the school's affiliated bodies have stopped doing that kind of thing a few years ago. It wasnt a devestating blow of course, because at this stage Im more concerned over the grades I need to get, and in any case I've still got many doors open to me. Her advice to me was to get a place in NUS, then do well and hopefully get an overseas postgraduate scholarship, since I am generally bond-averse to any other kinds of scholarships that would necessarily delay my career track in academia.

The bad thing about such a course is, of course, the lack of exposure. The prospect of spending the better part of my young adult life in the rather unappealing corridors of NUS also depresses me somewhat. The good points, however, are substantial: food, friends, places, and heck, can even try my hand at the local arts scene, if only at a very elementary level. These things definitely warrant an entry all to themselves, and I'll get it up another time.

These things aside, we talked about a range of issues that covered the span of life, including itself. She told me how she met her husband, she told me how girls in university very frequently abandoned their boyfriend in army (they found them immature after getting to know the uni guys, she told me; lol), she told me she's led a fulfilling life, and she's going to lead a fulfilling life by reading and traveling, she told me (in chinese) to always compare to those worse off than yourself, she told me that satisfaction is happiness, and satisfaction is easily achieved even if happiness per se is not.

Any discussion of this sort would never fail to touch on the meaning of life. I asked her what is there in life if we take nothing from it upon death. And she gave the most simplest, and most satisfactory I've found from many individuals to date: you live to impact others. And she told me thats what she's been doing all her life, as a teacher, as a principal, as a person.

The conversation, in many ways, re-ignited that part in me that calls for personal fulfilment above individual self-worth. From the period in june right to this very day I've been meeting up with friends from all over to either study, or to take a break from studies. (Incidentally this could perhaps account for my lacklustre performance, though then again one could always argue that my results were never lusty in the first place) In fact it strikes me as ironical that Ive met some of them more times in this period of examinations than periods of time in the past.

Dreams belong to that open sea we always look at but never swim in. Friends, as well as the simple pleasures of music, coffee, the tv, are the seashells in our life, and by the way Im going to pay a visit to the principal of this school years down the road.

Sea shell.

Very often we find ourselves in need of a quality which reflects outwardly any value of significance we want others to see in ourselves. This is how we derive our self-worth, in terms of society, in terms of every other self except our self.

On any scale--family, friends, community, society, country, civilization, the universe, we need to see ourselves as a useful part of a larger whole because we are, invariably, a part of a larger whole. Hence we see the need to dress up and look good for our friends and acquaintances, hence we see the need to achieve good grades, to get a respectable occupation. Hence, on the largest scales, we see the need for religion, for religion, orthodox ones or not, tends to let one see one's place in life. Absence of any sense of self-worth on any scale inevitably leads one to a state of misery and gradual displacement from the very system we want to be a part of-- sometimes we mistakenly call these people rebels. Even worse, we sometimes label them as heroes.

The hero, the symbolism of self-worth, others see in me is charm. Perhaps not conventional charm, but that is precisely what makes it all the more outstanding.

The first thing to note is that this charm is meaningless, because it is merely the value, the symbolic hero, I want others to see in myself. The second thing to note is that Im getting old. The third thing to note is that I have no control whatsoever over it, meaning it disappears as and when it likes. The fourth thing to note is that this charm is incapable of attracting females.

Empty shells carry no weight, nor are they colourful enough to attract attention. They live an isolated life, in the footsteps of people who fail to realise that the very thing they're looking for is the thing they just kicked away.

-- Excerpt from the Diary (BkII) of Viscount Charming-Whale, page 581. Title entry: Big Giant Sea Shell.

Some random, and perhaps unqualified, thoughts

The song you have up there on the radioblog is called marching bands of manhattan,and it's by death cab for cutie.

What strikes me most about the song is its self-reflective part toward the end. The singer sings,

Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole
Just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound
But while you debate half empty or half full
It slowly rises, your love is gonna drown

four times in succession. Notice how the tune flows melodiously when the lyrics go, 'there is comfort in the sound', almost as if the singer is comforting himself with the melody itself. Therein lies the poignancy of it all, drawn up by the ironic phrase, for obviously there is no comfort in the sound of sorrow poured into one's heart. Yet at the same time the singer props it up melodiously, a statement which suggests an ambivalent presence of both hope and resignation.

And by the way, few things come as close to bitter happiness as when you are resigned, because the act of resignation means the act of giving up expectations and all the pressures that come with it; with resignation comes liberation and ultimately, freedom. To bring this a step further and to apply it in this context, we can suggest the narrator-singer found 'comfort in the sound' precisely because of sorrow--the presence of it led him to the resignation that allowed him, all in all, to appreciate the musical quality of the phrase.

The 4 repetitions of the particular stanza also, by themselves, accomplish and reinforce the situation at hand. The repetitions satisfy the act of debating, which normally implies a forward-backward motion. The repetitive motion also drives home the impression that sorrow is, indeed, 'slowly' rising.

In any case, it's a nice song.

Firing Range

I did two essays yesterday under a newly formulated 2 essays per day regime, that being the result of a week of meditation and a colossal amount of willpower, and when I went to school today a friend told me he was doing 3, and I thought that sounded pretty fun, and so I decided that hey, I should join in the fun too, since life isnt all about studying.

For those interested in technicalities, I'd be covering GP as well as econs s essays in addition to econs, lit and history ones, and a maths paper is equal to 2 essays.

And for those who want to know, Im a sharpshooter with only one bullet left. I can either load up on blanks, or get a headshot. In either case I'd better start training firing at long range, something I've never been known for-- a lightsabre with the force wins an imperial repeater anytime, but the force isnt anywhere to be felt for now. It doesnt seem to want to join in the fun.

Hug

I just caught kung fu hustle off the dvd, second time watching it, the first off the cinema screen of course. Stephen Chow's a genius. His works arent simply funny, theyre simply simple. They're flippant, flamboyant, simply enjoyable. And that, by the way, deserves as much if not more commendation than any other kind of script.

I dont know about you but given a choice between urban living and the pig-sty lifestyle as seen in the film, where everyone knows everyone else and where you're away from all the drudgery of today's world, the latter is definitely my choice.

That being said, there is, I guess, some extent to which simplicity can be imported into a context of complexity when it comes to lifestyles. Music, books, cafes, coffee, a session of cards, movies, watching soccer in a coffeeshop, an evening in the pool with your gay friends (ever seen a bunch of teens chasing each other around the public pools like a bunch of idiots?), this is life isnt it. The greatest mistake I made in this part of my life is in living wrongly; the greatest lesson I will take away from college is in learning how to live an enjoyable, simple life.

A pity I only learnt this lesson so far down the road.

Playwriting competition

If some places don’t recognise, appreciate and reward creativity, there are other places that do.

I got 2nd place for a playwriting competition!! Was only youth category though, but it’s still very encouraging to see a fine start in my first-ever venture into this area. And I earned my first cheque ever (actually strictly speaking, second, the first being some nondescript $30 article into the Sunday times playbox thing) , a $500 cheque. Tehehe.

I felt a sense of pride as they acted out an excerpt from the piece in front of the small audience. A very strong, and somewhat unfamiliar sense of pride, for after all it isn’t very often one wins such things. I tingled all over as I heard the words from my script being said, the characters I created in flesh and blood right before me. They sounded the way I wanted them to sound, and that really fleshed pride with wholesome satisfaction. And it was really, really beautiful hearing the audience respond to the play—especially the laughter, though actually only the judges got the subtler bits.

Elsewhere, I was pleasantly surprised when another winner came over before the photo shoot and said, with a smile and an offering of a handshake, “Ginny and Rose?” (that would be the title of my baby). For that one instant, I felt recognised. It is as if my play—MY play—has taken over my identity, but at the same time people acknowledge me as the creator of it, and it’s also as if creator and creation form one unique, pulsating, charming identity.

Well anyway he offered me his namecard (from the prime minister’s office!), and because I didn’t have a namecard of my own, and because I couldn’t remember which play he wrote, I shook his hand politely and gave him a charming smile. It is very important to give charming smiles when one has nothing better to say, if you don’t mind the off-tangent remark.

I hope Im not hoping too much here, but I’d be keeping my fingers crossed for the writers’ lab to take me under their wing. *fingers crossed* Once there it would very likely unlock a whole new realm of opportunities and options for me, and if so I’d be looking to see if I could try to be funny (quite literally) in Spore rather than overseas first.

Well in any case, whatever happens, Im definitely going to fine-tune this piece after the As, and possibly seek to stage it. (It’s only 20-40 mins long though so I wont know how far this would go) Ive got the rights to it, I just need a stage from any firm out there, a director (Ive already got a friend in mind), a cast, some marketing personnel and if things go smoothly would be able to launch an amateur play by year’s end at the age of 18.

Alternatively, I could start writing a new piece. This particular one over here, it being my first, was a very tame piece (I'll post it up here when i've got the time), totally unlike what I would like. I’d like being magical, phantasmagorical, absurd. Something darker too, something that would contain all my existentialist and cosmological musings…Most importantly, something that would contain my humour.

If some places don’t recognise, appreciate and reward creativity, other places do.

I hope the weather is calm as you
   sail up your heavenly stream;
Suspended clear in the skies are the
  words that we sing in our dreams.

-Oasis, Let There Be Love.