QFT

While washing hands at the sink.

ME: Do you know that some scientists predict fishes would be extinct by 2030?
FRIEND: Um so?
ME: Can you imagine your grandchildren growing up not eating fish and not knowing what a fish looks like?
FRIEND: Hmm dont care lah. By the way turn off the tap when you're not using please. I want my grandchildren to grow up knowing how water looks like.

Jogging the 21km half-marathon has taught me that there is a limit to how much one's mental willpower can push one beyond one's normal capabilities. I egged myself on for the last 5km even though my legs were screaming stop, and for a while it worked, but after that they just stopped on their own. So I walked several hundred metres, and I told myself I have to continue pushing, and continue pushing I did, for another km or so before my legs gave up again.

The fatigue was incredible. I told myself to ignore the fatigue, it's so rare that I get the chance to run in such events, and I recalled telling myself before the run started that I must never give up no matter how tired I was during the run. And so I jogged for another km or so before I had to walk again.

And it was this way for 4km or so, until the very last km, where everyone was pushing themselves on. I had a very long walk before that, so that I could jog through the last km, which was what I did- until the last 250m, where, no matter how much mental effort I pumped in, I stopped and walked.

Looking back now it's incredible thinking that I couldnt just push myself to run for another 250m. (Eventually I did run, but it was for the last 150metres or so I think) I can learn from this and tell myself that the next time this happens again, I must push more and I mustnt walk. After all, it was so damn near the end point. And yet paradoxically this very experience tells me that the next time a situation like this happens again, I will fail to keep up with my mental train of thought- again.

The first layer of inhibition to personally stellar achievements is physical. The second is mental. The third and final layer you have got to overcome is physical. Something tells me that this final layer can never be overcome, but I dont mind putting this hypothesis to the test again.

Jesus Camp

Wouldnt say Jesus Camp is a nice movie, but I wonder how a christian feels when he or she watches it. I like that conversation between the moderate christian against the fundamentalist female.

Faith is believing in something you know can't be

ME: Why do non-believers have to go to hell?
FRIEND: Because actually all humans are sinners. After what Adam and Eve did, death is what awaits all mankind. God wanted to wipe out all humans to recreate the world again but in his grace he sent his son Jesus Christ down to earth. Actually all humans are supposed to die, meaning go to hell. But by grace, those that believe in his Son which is actually also him will be saved. Believing in Jesus is the only way one can be saved. It's sorta like a bridge.

ME: What if you don't believe in christinaity and god and all that in the first place?
FRIEND: That's the thing. You know about Jesus? It's just that some choose not to believe. God gave us a choice, and he didnt force us to believe in him. But if we open up a way and ask for him to enter u will experience him very realistically and u will have no doubt he exists. The devil has created a million and one reasons to keep us away from God; only by giving youself a chance and opening the door for God to enter will you be able to understand why it is so real for Christians.

ME: Do you really believe in God and the Devil?
FRIEND: Yeah. I've experienced it very realistically.Its very hard to explain how u know its true unless u've really experienced it first hand, but if u sincerely ask for God to enter your life you will see the difference. Its not really a feeling... sort of beyond feeling.
ME: Nah. I dont believe in God. I'd rather run the risk of going to hell than believe in him.

When people say such things to me I usually become very upset, angry, agitated, frustrated. I feel like shaking the person to his senses but I know that would be a futile act because christians are, by default, by grace of the god they belief, very obstinate people. My inability to show them the proper path further intensifies my feelings of anger and frustration, and so I usually end up pacing the room thinking very furious thoughts. After some time I would calm down and say something that would be indicative of a non-aggression pact, like for example: You can believe in what you like, and I'll believe in what I like. There's no point in arguing further; after which I would re-affirm my stand over theirs by quoting a line like this:

Faith is believing in something you know can't be. - Huckleberry Finn

By the way, the words in bold are very very terrible things to say. Only a christian can say things like that without feeling emotionally, morally, or rationally wrong. I personally find it very rude and presumptious of them to say those kind of things, but I must not get all worked up again.

28 Weeks Later

That clip is the opening part of the movie 28 Weeks Later. While I do think the action sequences can be improved on- especially on their clarity- the focus of this clip is the last minute of it, where the man jumps out the window and abandons his wife. It's especially appealing because it deviates away from the norm of hollywood-esque fight-to-the-noble-death spirit. What you have here, instead, is a character who is afraid to die. His fear, his desperation shows, and we know he is less a hero than he is one of us.

As many people have commented, it's hard to find an opening sequence as powerful as this one. Just listen to the music as he runs across the field.

Music

A friend once asked me which type of music I like best. I told him I listen to a wide range of music, but if one wants to whittle the list down to a single type then it would have to be pop-rock. But it isn't the pop-rock you find on Singapore's airwaves. It's the pop-rock you find on other countries' airwaves, UK being the most prominent one.

Stone by Stone by Catatonia is a personal favourite. I used to listen to it a lot back then in 2005 when I would be always cooped up in my room from 8 to 10pm doing homework or trying to study, and I particularly like the way she sings" on common ground we'll build our castle walls /we'll build them stone by stone/And hooooow" towards the end.

With a catchy yet clean tune songs like it should, in my opinion, be the standard-bearers of mainstream music. Unfortunately these days we find things like Rihanna's Umbrella and Fergie's Big Girls Don't Cry being played everywhere. They are the standard-bearers of 21st-century atrocities.

Update

I'm exactly 3 months away from my ORD.

Things look good in the short term. I've been given offs on wednesday and friday in view of the national day parade on thursday. Im on off tomorow as well, and tuesday promises to be a relaxed day with a morning run at an external camp (such events usually mean half-days away from the workshop, since we are usually given the chance to report back after lunch). I've finished a short story for a local competition. It was a rather laborious undertaking but it's finally behind me now, and I'm just getting back to a life where I can go out with friends and play computer games without feeling guilty while doing so. My next deadline comes at the end of the month, but I'm not too concerned about it now because Im going to use a nearly-completed script I diligently wrote when I stayed-in during my driving course.

Plus, the weather's been very nice these few days. I remember it is usually so humid at this time of the year there would be moths trying to be funny outside my house. Not the case this year what with the cool and rainy weather.

Things dont look good in the long term. I've got a combat shoot coming up, as well as a platoon proficieny test which requires us to go outfield. Section mates are trying to escape this crunch period which includes a logistics readiness inspection in september. Already two of them are going for WISDOM TOOTH extraction. And they dont even want to admit their real motive for doing so, those bloody hypocrites. If I were to go for such stuff I would readily admit Im just trying to escape things; in fact to date I have never denied the artificiality of any illnesses Ive had so far.

I hate the army.

I went to a GXL/WCG gaming tournament last night. Long rows of computers in a large, dark hall. Very nice setting. Gaming has come a long way since the time of red alert and starcraft, I must say. At the tournament I saw supporters cheering their teams on, I saw teams huddling together before a match to do a rousing cheer (or maybe they were doing their victory cheer after a win), I heard team members encouraging each other during a match, I saw players bringing their own personalised, elite gear, there were commentators, there were girlfriends supporting their boyfriends. It's no different from an actual sports event, and that's what gaming has become.

Looking forward to Lost 3 tonight. Thank God there's Lost, the show brightens my sunday night. Eh? No lah why should we thank God for this kind of thing? He wasnt the one who made the show?

But he was the one who made the people who made the show. In other words he made the show possible. So thank God for brightening up my Sunday nights.

Hmm. What about the pleasant weather then? Maybe it's God. Thank God for making life so beautiful now :)

Eh? What about global warming?

The defender of faith will say global warming is caused by us greedy, selfish, gas-guzzling human beings (of which they are part of as well; America as we all know is a major emitter of carbon--and over 90% of Americans are believers), but humans are made by God as well. So, assuming I am a believer, the very same God who brightened up my Sunday nights, and whom I thank dearly for, is the very same God who will make me miserable over global warming.

We can never thank God for one positive thing, and then don't criticize him for another negative thing. It is either that we thank him for 1 thing and critisize him for another, or that we don't talk to God at all.

The Christian tries to resolve this dilemma by telling us God has his own plans, his Will is far beyond mortal comprehension. When they say this I sometimes feel we shouldn't talk to them at all.