4J

Music: Vienna Teng- The Tower
Book: ...

You should send me more songs like this.

Let's say the chance of success [of something happening] at level 1 is 10%, 20% at level 2, 30% at level 3 and so on untill you reach 80% at level 8. You need exponentially increasing amounts of time and energy, as well as greater *skills* to proceed to the next level. Which would you go for, attempt the kill at level 3 or wait for level 8, where you've got a much higher chance of getting the kill.

I think most people would want to wait it out till level 8, even if it means spending significantly more time and energy. But a friend rightfully pointed out that the higher you go up, the more you've got to lose. It just means that, in the long run, you might be better off trying it at level 3, failing, and then trying it again at level 3, as opposed to getting to level 8; you'll definitely get more shots the level 3 way. Shrugs. It depends on what kind of person you are I guess.

Some people have mentioned kung fu hustle is overrated. Um well..personally, I'd like to say shows like this (along with The Phantom of the Opera too)very easily marginalize certain kinds of viewers. I assume it's the nonsensical humour that drew the most discontent. Some parts are really stupid yes, but go in there with a relaxed, simple mind and you'll appreciate what you thought you could not have appreciated. Argh this is rubbish.

Okok let me just say this. It's people who are receptive to as wide a range of humour as possible that enjoy life better than those who compartmentalize themselves and unconsciously elevate themselves to a *supposedly superior intellectual disposition*. In other words just enjoy. The art of pleasure lies not in being able to appreciate the refined, but in being able to float, willingly, between the simple and the not-simple. Later anyhow float.

Very, very bitter when a 4J class reunion became a 7-people gathering. I feel extremely sorry for Saiseong, class monitor, who so tediously called everyone up and compiled a list of who was to come.

What was truly maddening was the fact that so many agreed to turn up, but didnt in the end. I dont know whats their problem, dont want to go then say dont want to go in the first place lah. We spent 2 hours there in town, listening to an eclectic range of reasons. From fell down from bicycle hurt face to just plain, Ive got something else now. Some of them are undoubtedly true, yes, but firstly why dont just mention it earlier and secondly whats so difficult in coming to town just for a dinner, even if you didnt fancy 4J in the first place.

From another perspective though, maybe it was just a failure waiting to appear. It's near the end of the holidays, people probably want to do their work. It was arranged on a weekday- the poly people had difficulties in the timing. And it was arranged relatively late, in under a week. And a section of the class was off in Mosh 2005 anyway. Shrugs.

Initial frustration gave way to some laughter though. It's always fun to travel in a male pack, with all your kinds of jocular humour, and it's always fun to catch up with old times.

People have changed. Saiseong has changed alot, not so much on the outside than in the inside. He was our class monitor, he was in LTC, he was a good leader in VS, and now he's not holding any leadership posts in MJ. He used to be extremely fit. Now he doesnt bother keeping fit; he can only do 5 pull-ups now, or so he said. And he's got a girlfriend. I asked him what would he like to take in U. He said anything, because he wants to be a police officer, nothing else. Yup, I respect his ability to set a path for himself as much as his determination to lead a simple life. He seems to be enjoying his life. Xingyao has changed alot too. He now goes to the gym, and is a lot a lot leaner now. KC has changed alot too. He's now studying. "What the hell!! Whats your grades again? Wahlau you......#$!@#$@$%........" But he's lost his touch. "Eh KC why you so quiet now.." No what, I was like this in sec sch. "No where got you last time talk alot crap one..." He attributes it to the fact that he cant keep in touch with his self in college.

We've agreed to schedule meet-ups on some days, to jog and swim and study and gay about. That's the beautiful thing about having a less demanding timetable..maybe talk about it in another post.

Was good I guess, even with that poor turnout. Because there's one thing that time cant ravage. Shared memories.

Kung Fu Hustle

Music: Catatonia- Dead from the waist down
Book: ...

It's hard to pinpoint what's making me want to watch this show a second time. The slapstick humour that was actually quite funny, the fairly decent directing, the almost-seamless flow of action, or the touching moments. Whatever you might say, I've never seen a movie that so frequently, so fluently, mixes all those aspects in such good fashion.

Yea, I think it's something you might want to look out for, the way they immerse you into one partition before so flippantly overturning it to something else.

Investing alot of time (which does not translate directly into effort though) into a paper, like some kind of solo WR. Sigh. Don't know if it's going to be worth it. I'll need help soon. =)

So Close

Music: Nothing in Particular
Book: Several academic texts, dont think you would want to know what they are. (References for the MAS essay competition thing)

It’s amazing how a morning fitness session and a 2-hour talk/drink down at Far East Square does wonders for mind, body and soul.

Elsewhere, put Shu Qi, Zhao Wei and Karen Mok together in a fast-paced thriller, with an unexpectedly incredible plot, and you’ve got one of those irresistible formulas that I myself cannot resist. So Close is one of those Chinese movies that deserves watching.

It’s interesting because I know most of you wouldn’t. Such shows very frequently draw flak and tempt ignorance from many people, in particular smartass people who don’t think much of “just another thriller”, or stupid English elitists who wouldn’t bother catching a Chinese movie. Or rather, don’t bother catching a Chinese movie based in a modern day setting—because I expect even English-speaking people would have caught things like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon or Hero. If you haven’t watched those (or other great Chinese films) I reserve comment. Admittedly, I caught it only by chance when my mum turned the tv on, and when I caught a glimpse of Shu Qi’s incredibly pretty face. Yes, this is one of the few times I will ever offer my opinion on the physical. She’s gorgeous.

But I prefer Karen Mok, actually. Her overall looks are inferior but her acting was good, really good. Directing was impressive. Let me go check who the fellow is. Cory Yuen. Yup, one name I will take note of from now. I can’t really elaborate it in words but Chinese shows have that kind of directing treatment that somehow makes the film look constantly fresh, constantly alluring, constantly different from Western-made films. Of course, I do admit there is a bias to that because by far no western female artistes have made me go wow the way those three Chinese actresses in the film made me, both in terms of looks and acting.

For most people I think the biggest turn-off would be the apparent plot of the movie. Just take a look at its synopsis and you’ll know why. I guess there is always the tendency to think such action thrillers are all hype and nothing much else. You’ve got to watch it before you’ll say to yourself, hey the hype is justified- AND this isn’t some no-brainer show. I was very, very touched when Shu Qi died; it was unexpected, and two-thirds of the show was spent building up on her. That wasn’t the differentiating factor though, because in all sorts of thrillers such twists are common enough, even if they do manage to *shock* you. What makes it go a class higher, for me, was the way cop and bandit went hand in hand later on. Yeayea, some of you might sigh. You might want to erase this sort of mindset. Yeayea was the thing I thought when I read the back cover of Angels and Demons and The Da Vinci Code; at the end of it all I could’ve sworn they were amongst the best books I would recommend. They’re more intellectual than you think, both the books and Chinese shows like this.

Besides the emotionally captivating and intellectually stimulating parts of the well-built plot there’s still this certain element X they have that western films don’t, at least based on my limited experience. I’ll refer you back to another Chinese film I caught in the middle of this year. Um forgot the title though, it wasn’t anything big. But there was this part where some highly-trained, machine-like assassins were running from the police. They got themselves into another bad-guys hideout in a run-down tenement, the sort you most commonly see in HK, the bad-guys being conventional bank robbers. Both groups got into an innocent family’s unit. They sat together and had a Chinese-style dinner while the cops encircled the building. They talked, they made merry, totally cool bout things. After an ingenious middle plot of escaping from legions of highly-trained troopers some of them died. The chief of the assassin group died. The chief of the robbers’ group decided to complete his newly made friend’s last task of assassinating someone. He goes. He gets caught. I think he got shot in the end. Might not sound impressive down here, but seriously if you’ve watched it you’ll feel a very strong impact when both of the main bad guys died. At the end of the show it hit me hard—the show had made me, quite subtly, connect with the baddies more than the good guys. They were the polite ones, they didn’t harm anybody, they were loyal to each other; the very fact that they died in the end served as a very poignant thinking point of who were the bad guys after all, and who were the ones who deserved the happy ending—and why.

It’s this sort of X element, coupled with good directing and actors that adds critical flavour to a *normal* thriller plot. The Western ones, whilst arguably more flamboyant, lack the very X element that transcends conventional emotional themes in the story.

Plus, the likes of Shu Qi, Zhao Wei and Karen Mok are refreshing changes from the likes of Brad Pitt, Hugh Grant and Renee Zellweger don’t you think.

-

I cant believe Im actually feeling homesick. In Singapore.

Or maybe it's just one of those silly teenage mood swings. I think we need a drink. But I need money. But Ive got a Dewar's somewhere...but I should keep it for other occasions, these things dont come cheap. But I need to make myself feel better.

A jog, maybe? Nah too tired. More like too lazy to change.

Wonder if I should start doing my homework. No wait correction wonder if I should start finding out what is my homework. My classmates dont seem to believe I havent done my homework. Free market dude. Correction again free market girl. I take things into my own hands, the paradox being my own hands cant control themselves; arbitrary outside the system but so utterly conforming to my own values--that I cant create nor modify anyway. So independent, but so not in control.

I need to decide on many things. Like what in heaven's name am I going to take in university. Hey wait when did homesickness turn into the future. Allright time to stare at the ceiling.

Grr

There are certain encounters you have in life that make you wonder about things.

Wonder what my funeral/memorial would be like. I joked to a friend everyone would be laughing and smiling the way I always do. That wouldnt be too bad; legacy, they say. Yahyah and throw candle sticks at my picture. Later got people come in underwear.

Wonder what the speeches, if any, would be like too. "We will always remember him as a guy who laughs for one hour straight in Ee Poh Lam's classes"..."We will always remember Kenneth as a guy who had a rabid interest in individualism. And toilet bowls."... "His undying silence in 04A6 will be fondly remembered"..."Let's go give him a new hairstyle."..."Shen jing bing."...

On a more serious note, I wonder how you would know your friend just died. As in seriously, what if it didnt appear on the front page of the newspaper, nor in news? Or if it did, but you just didnt happen to stay in touch with the news for a couple of days? Are you going to check the obituary section every day? Unlikely. So it remains fairly likely you're going to miss the death, and miss the funeral/memorial subsequently, especially if they get arranged within days of the departure. Yes true some other friends might call you up--but what if they dont, assuming that you'd turn up? Or what if, somehow, you lose contact with them- remember we're looking at decades down the road.

Expanding from that line of thought, you'd wonder just how long you and your buddies can keep that network intact, even if it's a one-to-one network. MSN? Don't count on it; in fact I wouldnt count on anything web-based. Maybe Im being paranoid but come to think of it it just takes one change-of-address (and phone line), one switch of mobile phone plans, and there, years of friendship become uncollectible things of the past. Allright maybe things wouldnt be THAT bad, because if you've changed your home address and all those kind of things your close friends should know, or they wouldnt be your close friends anyway. And then people will point out that these days all it takes is one message and the 'send all' button to update every friend's *database*. But nah, I'd rather remain wary of anything electronic, including handphones, because all it takes is one smart-aleck and his pet virus to take away everything. Backups? Who says you can't take them out too. Pen and a central address book is the way to go, you can't go wrong with that.

Dont laugh, because you wont be if such unprobable eventualities turn real. When it comes to years of friendship(s) I'd rather make the effort to do the necessary safeguards.

On a lighter note, I won't laugh if you come to my funeral in underwear.

2nd casualty

Music: Nothing in particular
Book: The Lexus and the Olive Tree, Thomas Friedman.

Take my advice. No wait correction dont ever take my advice, but take just this piece of my uh wisdom with you. Do not ever, ever go into a relationship with a mindset of one who is looking for a relationship, looking for someone warm and friendly and whatever else you people like looking out for.

Do not, also, enter a relationship because you see a pretty lass or suave guy down at town everytime you're there. I suspect your mind unconsciously triggers connections to all those beautiful people the next time a average-but-available opposite comes along.

2nd casualty in a couple of weeks (not me, dont be daft), it's amazing how fast this kind of things come and go.

Somehow I suspect we would be happier people if they substitute civics and morals classes for gender studies.

Three cheers for him

It's terrible how things happen, without warning, with so much impact.

Newly-wed couple. New Zealand honeymoon. Car accident. Dead.

I got the news at around 10 30PM. My mum shouted, Kenneth one of your school teacher got into a car crash at New Zealand. I was at the comp, I rushed into her room and asked who was it. She said someone named Ho. The news had finished by then, and I didnt know any teacher by the name of Ho. And it wasn't till slightly later, on msn when a friend msged me, that I found out it was actually Mr John Lim.

The shock I received there and then was the first of its kind I received in my life. As with , I am sure, many others, I stared at the message. And stared. And stared and stared. As with, I am sure, many others, I felt numb.

A friend came on later and he said "how is it people only start appreciating other people once their dead...i just find that so... hypocritical? so yeah. i didn't really know him, but i'm sad. but i'm not going to mourn or pretend that it really affects me so deeply." As with, I am sure, many others, I felt that "why appreciate only when he's gone/why didnt I appreciate him more" feeling. I've got an answer for it. But nevermind, I'll leave it as that.

You know me, I do not pretend. I do not become hypocritical; the fact that I speak (somewhat viciously) to certain people at some point of time is testimony to that fact. So let me say this. Heartless as it may sound, if it were any other teacher in NY [or in fact, any from my previous schools] whom I did not know, I would've have, to quote from that friend again, felt only a "slight pang of never seeing him (or her) alive again". But John Lim, to me, is different. He taught me PE, I've talked to him a couple of times, I admire him, I like him, and now he's dead.

He asked me how I felt, because he (nor I) had ever experienced such a loss before. I told him, "you will picture the lost one. and whenever you picture him you'll feel a sense of loss. over and over and over again."

Why this sense of loss? He had been married for just a month. He was there on his honeymoon, and planned to stay till christmas eve. And just imagine, to him with his newly-wed by his side, with a nice good time in the country, at a ripened age of 31, he would've felt like he had his whole life ahead of him. With all due respect, I wonder what was going through his mind as he looked at this world one last time. I wonder what I would've thought.

And of course, a sense of loss because I'll never get to see him again.

This feeling of loss got coupled with a ghastly feeling after the initial numbness wore off. Throughout the past hours I found myself lying on the mattress staring at the ceiling, zoning out, imagining things. Things like what if someone close to me met with such an untimely fate. My father, grandfather and some close relatives are in china now. I imagined myself in the shoes of the deceased's family members. I imagined myself meeting such an untimely fate. And as my mind roamed more and more, I--somewhat involuntarily--pictured myself in those situations in greater detail, and when you think of that kind of things you feel..I dontknow how you describe it, scared maybe? A very profound type of scared, a very ghastly sense of life and everything.

It'll come and go, I know. Tonight I would think. When I wake up tomorow I would lie on my bed and think. By the weekend the feelings would have evaporated to nothing more than "that's the way life goes". By the start of school only some residue of feelings of loss would remain, before the school does a one minute of silence thing and probably a speech that would fire me back to the full impact of this loss. And then they would say we'll remember him in our hearts and life has to go on, and life would go on then.

Shrugs.

Tsk

Music: Nothing in particular.
Book: The Lexus and the Olive Tree, Thomas Friedman.

Maybe I shouldn’t be stating this here but I was quite taken aback when a classmate told me she was in love (no not with me; no one is so silly).

Ok this love thing is getting a bit on my nerves, just thought I’d write something on it. We all know as teenagers we are relatively susceptible to the attractions of the opposite sex. What some do not know, however, is the difference between a surface, temporary attraction—infatuation, if you like—and well, love. I feel weird whenever I say this word btw. And a portion of the rest feel that they know—but still willingly choose to believe they are in some blissful love state.

I would like to say the very susceptibility towards attraction conveniently degrades our personal standards, as well as whatever judgment sense you had in the first place. When we see others in a blissful state of holding-hands we perceive they are happy and want to experience it too. When we come across stories of how a male protects and how a female appreciates we yearn to hold the benefits of such a relationship to ourselves; we want to feel secure and feel loved. When we see a physically attractive opposite we dream of many things.

And such dreams very frequently obscure our desires (and proper judgment) for what we internally know is our ideal—or at least, a more compatible-- partner, reducing us to a cocktail state of partial blindness, where we only see the good points of the other person and not the weaker points; self-perceived happiness, inaccurate compatibility, and racing heartbeats. Cocktails are very attractive aren’t they.

It gets worse for the frequent consumers. The devastation of a first relationship could very well lead to one thinking the next partner would be a better one; or worse, it could compel one into getting a 2nd relationship *immediately* to feel some self-worth, to feel loved. And in some cases, to feel some (weird) sense of retaliation. The moment several failed relationships have been buried in pages of your diary--or a pile of movie tickets—one either feels a relationship isn’t anything much so I’ll just enter one whenever the next free opposite who can converse reasonably well with me enters my life, or since it isn’t anything much we might as well abandon it altogether and lead a happier life, in which case you’ve probably wasted a lot of time. And money.

I am not condemning all you lovebirds out there, no. I am just telling you our desires—biological or otherwise--for the opposite sex can easily lead to too accessible a relationship that would eventually get scuttled in no time. And if you think your relationship is different and can last a long time you might very well be blinded by your unconscious desires. Same thing too if you think the next person whom you feel comfortable with, and who makes you laugh, is a possible partner.

I won’t even bother mentioning those people who say so-and-so is so “shuai” or very “chio”. But I suspect it’s very natural for one to think the world of that particular person if he/she approaches you, never mind the glaring disparity between characters.

I am, btw, more a proponent of sensibility than an opponent of teenage relationships. And let me tell you a normal infatuation lasts for a year, so any partner you make within 1 year is more likely to be a product of biology than chemistry.

In lighter words, it’s been a long long time since I had a meal with 4 (or more) males. Ah really, the pleasure of lunching/dining out with a group of friends of the same gender is indescribable.

None

Let me tell you one of the greatest pleasures of life is to play some of your favourite music, lie back on your bed, and do pretty much nothing else but stare at the ceiling. I bet I can do it longer than you can. Hah.